Faith, Hope, and Love

Ask and you shall receive

2012-01-10T12:28:00.000-08:00

We had a wonderful Christmas. Here are the kids blowing out the candles on the birthday cake that we baked for Jesus. This is one of the traditions that we have started with our kids to do every year for Christmas. When teaching them that Christmas was about celebrating Jesus' birth they said, "He needs a birfday cake!" so now He gets a birthday cake every year. They love it and we enjoy singing Happy Birthday to Jesus. We decided we would not do Santa Clause. We just didn't want it to be about him. My kids still got gifts and had plenty of fun. I just get sick of all the Santa hype and that is not what it is about to our family. This did upset some people close to us but they got over it. I think they quickly realized that Christmas can be enjoyed without Santa.
Have I blogged about adoption on here? Hmmm I don't remember. I know I stink at blogging. Life just gets in the way, and that is okay, but I do want to do better. Back in the summer after MUCH prayer we felt like God was telling us to add to our family through adoption of foster child/children. I prayed for a while, then came to Donny about it and we both prayed. When we both said yes that we felt like it was something we are suppose to do I talked with a friend of mine online that has been through it. She got me in touch with a sweet lady from The CALL in Arkansas and I found out that while we had missed the information meeting that they do that makes things SOOO much easier for you, that she, being the sweet lady she is could come over and talk with us, give us the paper work and we could get things rolling. So we met, got the paper work and ran around like crazy people the next day to get all of the papers notarized, fingerprints taken, etc to turn in THAT day so we could be signed up for the training coming up. It all came together beautifully though. We ran all over town with our 3 kids in tow and when people doing the notarizing and fingerprinting, etc saw what we were doing it for they all wondered which of those 3 kids we were adopting :) haha Nope those already belong to us.
I suppose it is unheard of to want more than 3 kids, lol. Well we didn't get that memo.
So we got that done, went through the training which takes 2 weekends, of full day training and have been waiting. Waiting, waiting, waiting, trying to be patient. I am not so good at being patient. I pray for patience and please don't say, "NOOO never pray for patience! If you do that the Lord will give you hard times to make you patient!" I say poo on that. God knows my prayers before they are spoken, he knows what I need, if I need trials to make me patient than so be it :) (I do have two 3 yr olds and one 5 yr old, so plenty of chances)
So as time goes on I start to worry. Worrying is a sin that I struggle with, daily, hourly, by the minute....... Can I handle more children? Can we afford more children? What if something happens to me? We already have 3 children that someone would have to care for but to add to it, is that ok? What if something happened to Donny, would I go nuts? Are my children going to be able to handle having more brothers/sisters? Even though they are very excited and want more children in the family very badly. Will Donny and I EVER get alone time again? and much, much more. I still worry. I do. I hate it but I do.
So I prayed. I spent a nap time in prayer asking for God's help. Asking if this was truly God's will would He let me know, because we felt so strongly it was in the beginning but after months of waiting you begin to wonder. I prayed that His will be done. That evening when Donny came in he brought in the mail as always and announced, "Our CPR certified cards came in." I giggled and said, "Well maybe that is my sign," then told him of my struggle and my praying. With a big smile and laugh Donny said, "Oh you will love what else we got today then," and he laid a paper for an orphanage called "All God's Children" down and the bar. Ask and you shall receive I suppose :)
We have our first home study scheduled for Thursday so I ask for your prayers. I am very nervous and excited at the same time. I am mostly nervous that the social worker will see my children jumping all over me and run away saying no way do you need more. God has a plan for us though. I think He has a special child that is meant to be with our family, maybe more than one :)

Give me a smile

2011-12-15T15:55:00.000-08:00

Do you SEE what I have to work with? In their defense, while taking the first one up there I told them if they didn't smile they wouldn't get any presents for Christmas. Yep I did. So what I got was the "Home Alone" scared faced from Lexi, a terrified looking smile from Lane, and a huge laugh from Lucas because he has already figured out that Momma is a total softy and doesn't mean half of what she says and he will always win me over with that smile.....Yep he's right. I asked for a hug in the 3rd one and Lexi just went with it. We did end up with a picture that was suitable to send my grandma and I went with it. While I love the craziness that is them, grandma just doesn't seem to appreciate the stuck out tongue as much as I do, poor grandma.
I had a lot more fun trying to get a good picture this year than years past. I have realized the older they get the easier it is, for the most part. Lucas still hates having his picture taken at all, Lexi now thinks she is a model and gives me crazy faces or fake cheesy smiles, but Lane does pretty good. He lost his first tooth a couple of days after I took these and looks oh so cute now, kinda wish that was in the Christmas picture as a memory but it's ok I have taken plenty of pictures of it already.
We are now in the stages of fighting over every toy they own, EVERY time I turn my back or go to the bathroom someone hits someone, takes a toy from someone or is just looking at them wrong. True story- today while I snuck away for a bathroom break I heard, "Why are you looking at me............Lucas I said why are you looking at me? Stop. I am going to tell Momma!" Yep apparently it is now a no no to look at each other. So of course hearing this I start laughing and give my hiding spot away......... These are the things you have to laugh at and remind yourself that it will only be like this for a short time. It is definitely worth it, all of it.
Just when you start to worry that they can no longer stand each other and will hate each other forever something seems to happen to show you otherwise. For example, last night after being put to bed both boys decided they HAD to potty ONE more time. Lane ended up in the master bathroom and Lucas in the front, Lexi was in bed. Lexi is yelling "MOMMA I gotta tell you sumtin'!" for the 439,689 time so I am walking to her room when we hear Lucas screaming. For some reason he decided he needed to lift the seat on the potty to sit down to go................I have no idea why..............but yea he fell in.............and Donny and I laughed hysterically. Poor Lucas was very upset but Donny and I just could not stop laughing. Don't judge, he was fine and it was funny. What made it even funnier is when big brother Lane came running to the rescue trying to get his pants up as fast as he can, with a look of terror on his face asking, "what's wrong, what's wrong with Lucas?" Then a little prissy girl jumps out of bed and comes running, "what happened to my brudder Lucas?" They were so concerned for the screaming Lucas and Donny and I got looks of "and your suppose to be the ones taking care of us?" thrown in there but we just laughed and I smiled because that little moment showed me the love they truly have for one another. Even though they fuss and fight and act like crazy people sometimes, they love one another and want to protect each other, and get mad at their crazy laughing parents.

Happy Birthday little ones

2011-12-06T07:07:00.000-08:00

Not long ago I had three children under the age of three. I remember it very well, it was crazy, it was hard, but it was worth it. Saturday the BABIES turned 3 years old. The babies is what I will call them for the rest of their lives probably. They will always be my babies. So now I have a 5 year old and two 3 year olds, which is just crazy to think about. My children are growing up way to fast. It really does fly by. The first few months of no sleep, spit up covered clothing and way to many diapers to count is now but a blur.
Lucas is my most independent child, even more so than his big brother. I hear "I do it myself!" all day from him. He is his Daddy's mini-me and I love that. I love his little sweet face that is so so babyish to me. I love those blue eyes that light up when he talks about "Tinman" from The Wizard of Oz. I love that smile and the way he sticks his tongue out while he is working on something. He is my youngest, my baby and even though he is the most independent one he is also likes to play his role as the baby. He loves sharing a room with his big brother and if big brother is gone to Nana's or Meme's house for the night he has to sleep in Lane's bed. He loves hugs and kisses. He will tell you if he wants you to kiss him or if he wants to be the one to kiss you. There IS a difference to him. If he is going to be the kisser you can NOT pucker your lips out because that means you kissed him, lol. I love that. Lucas is rough and wild. We are so thankful for our baby boy and all of his craziness.
Lexi is my girlie girl. She is sassy, can have an attitude, but can be sweet as candy too. She loves her brothers but has figured out how to take care of herself and doesn't take anything off the boys! She loves to have her hair fixed and to wear pretty dresses. Lexi is shy when you first meet her, hiding behind my legs but once you are around her a while she loves showing off. She loves big squeezing hugs and kisses. Lexi loves for me to hold her, she would sit on my lap all day if I would let her. School time is her favorite part of the day. She loves hearing me teach and drawing pictures. She is motherly when she isn't fighting with the boys. She will rub Lucas' head when he is sleepy. She wants a sister so badly and asks for one all the time. She loves her brothers but wants someone that will play something other than dinosaurs, even though she does enjoy playing dinosaurs. She is our Princess and we are so thankful for her.
They are growing up so fast and I want to try to enjoy it all. I get caught up in all of the household things that have to be done and forget to sit and enjoy sometimes. I am happiest when I am sitting and watching them play nicely together, hearing their little stories they come up with for each dinosaur or barbie. Seeing them chase each other running from some invisible monster or a big brother with a blanket on his head. These are the things that I love most.

Happy Thanksgiving- yes it's late but it's me

2011-12-06T06:21:00.000-08:00

Yes I am a blogging slacker who only blogs occasionally. I know this. But I always have cute pics when I blog, that makes up for it, right? Yea okay. We learned about Pilgrims and Indians right before and right after Thanksgiving. Here are two of my little Indians, the third one was crying on the couch over glue, yep glue. I was planning on teaching it all before but we had a horrible stomach virus sweep in the week of Thanksgiving so it didn't happen. Yes I was sick ON THANKSGIVING, that is just sad. I ate a grilled cheese for my Thanksgiving lunch. A. GRILLED. CHEESE. The kids were mostly better by then so my awesome mother in law agreed to risk getting the horrible horrible stomach virus (so thankful for that) and took them to her house that evening so they didn't have to see me so very sick and so that Donny could take care of me.
So back to the learning- I taught about the Pilgrims. About how they left their country because they weren't allowed to worship God, pray and read their Bible how they wanted. (I was teaching a 5 yr old and two 2 yr olds so it was pretty basic) My 5 yr old stops me and ASKS if he can say a prayer. Yes my jaw dropped. I didn't even think he was truly listening to me. His prayer, "Jesus thank you that we can pray, read our Bible and go to church. And thank you for Jesus dying on the cross! Jesus name Amen!" I had tears in my eyes. That right there made it all worth it. All of the fights to get him to do schoolwork and feeling like I was beating my head against a brick wall. All of the days when that school directly across the street from my house looked so good because homeschooling IS hard work. It is not all rainbows and butterflies. Getting to teach my child about Jesus Christ, how people love Him, how we should love Him is worth it all and so very priceless. One thing I am very thankful for is being able to homeschool my children and teach them the things that are important to our family.

Here I go again........

2011-10-01T06:59:00.001-07:00

I love this man. Sure we have our ups and downs, our arguments, our grumpy times but I love him to pieces. He is a great loving man that loves me at my worst. Right now I am at the highest weight of my life. I hate it. I hate looking like this and feeling like this. It just plain stinks! So here I go again on a weight loss journey. I am going to attempt Weight Watchers again. I don't go to their meetings or anything, I just do it on my own. I do believe the meetings would help but I am so shy and so busy. I just don't have the time or the nerve. I tried this a few months ago and failed miserably. I lost 13 lbs and then stopped. Those sweets were just calling my name. I got sick of eating a different meal than my family. I just didn't have the will power. I am praying this time that I will. I am so unhappy with myself.
I broke down to Donny yesterday. Told him how I feel. He was so sweet. I told him that it makes me sick to look in the mirror. I don't even feel like it is me I am seeing but sadly it is. I don't want to see that person any more. I told him that I feel like such a failure and have no idea how I have let it get this out of hand. His reply, "You take care of everyone else but yourself. " Bingo and just another reason I love him. That is the truth. I have to make time out for myself to work out. Have to not want to. If I keep going like this I feel like I will die at a very young age. While I can't wait to meet sweet Jesus one day, I do not want to leave my husband or precious children right now. I want to raise my children. I want to be active in their lives. I don't want to be on the side lines with my bad knee and big belly. I want to be up doing right along with them.
When your 5 yr old starts worrying about getting a big belly and you ask why then he tells you it's because you have a big belly, it hurts. "I don't want a big belly like you Momma!" That just plain hurts. He doesn't mean anything by it. It is just the truth. I don't want it either son. So here I am, eating a banana instead of the chocolate chips I really want. Praying that this time I will change my lifestyle forever and get thin and healthy.

Think before you judge

2011-09-27T06:14:00.000-07:00

I can remember before Donny and I seeing kids acting out in public before we had kids and us judging, saying "No way will MY child ever act that way!" "That kid needs a good spanking!" "Look at those parents, it's obviously all their fault!" Oh how we have ate those words. The truth is some children are just different. Some children a spanking will not help. Some parents do everything possible and feel like failures when their child behaves those bad ways, even if they know it is truly not their fault. They love their child more than anything on Earth and you thinking those bad thoughts and giving those bad looks don't help. They hurt. They hurt the child and the parent. This is Lane. Our 5 yr old that has a heart of gold. Our cuddle bug, our "Momma I love to the letter O", sweet, sweet boy. Lane looks like a normal 5 yr old boy, maybe a bit big for his age but he's not. It is hard for a parent to admit that, very hard. You just want your child to be like other kids "normal" but with tears in my eyes, I admit that he is not.
Lane is learning to read, write, and is very smart. He loves animals and can tell you many facts about different animals. He has a better sense of direction than me. Lane is full of love and we love him deeply.
We have had him checked out for autism, the doctor said no way. We thought ADHD but that didn't quite fit. A friend pointed me in the direction of Sensory Processing Disorder and I am thinking this may be it. It is not a well known thing really so it can be hard to diagnose, not that I am really worried about a diagnosis. I just want to help him. I just want him to be happy with life and with himself. I just don't want to feel like we are hitting a wall so often. So I am researching and trying to find ways to help him and us. I don't even know why I am writing this. I just thought maybe it would make others think before labeling a child "bad." Lane is not bad. He just can not handle his emotions or calm himself down. He is not acting out because it feels good, because believe me it doesn't. He hates it. He hates that he gets so angry over little things, or that he freaks out over a little dot on his finger nail, that is not fun. He is not trying to be mean. He doesn't want to make you mad. He isn't going against you. He just can't handle it. I know people without children or even some with those easy children may still not understand but maybe they will think about it. Maybe they won't judge him or our parenting. Maybe when they see him crying hysterically over small, simple things they won't turn their noses up at him and you and wonder "why don't they just spank him?" You could spank him until he couldn't walk and all you would accomplish was 1. making him more upset 2. making him feel worse about himself. Because he already does feel bad about himself. He now notices that he is different. He notices that the other kids can do things he can not. He notices that the other adults aren't as nice to him as they may be to other kids. He is not ignorant by any means. He knows all of this and he hates it. He hates that he can't just be like the other kids, he hates that he is different. He doesn't want to be this way. He doesn't enjoy the other kids making fun of him or always leaving him out. He hates it.
It as easy as his parents to get frustrated too. Believe me. We are FAR from perfect. Sometimes you just want to go and do things and not have to worry about all of those silly little things but you have to. You avoid going places because you don't want people to treat him badly. You miss birthday parties that he's invited to because you know the kids will be mean to him because he is different. You only have a few select friends that you know will understand and not think he's awful or that you are an awful parent for that matter. Your heart breaks when your child tries something and says "I can't do it. I can never do it Mom," and hangs their sweet little head in shame. You try to give them encouragement and love. You want them to learn to do things the right way but sometimes you let them do it their way just so you don't make them lose all confidence once again. I'm saying it's hard. You homeschool. You homeschool because you don't want them to go into their school life labeled as a "bad kid" just because they are so different. You know they are fully capable of learning, even if it's in a little different way. You have seen how people treat them, adults included. You don't want them to get all of that negativity when they are already so fragile. Nobody understands, very few do anyways. You feel like your little family is alone in this world. It's hard but you love your child unconditionally and want to do what is best for them, even though sometimes you don't know what is best. Do you sign them up for soccer just for them to have fun with it, even though they have no idea how to play? Or do you not because he may make another parent angry with his lack of skill and knowledge? Do you let him go the swimming party when all of the other kids can swim but he still holds on to you in fear? Or do you keep him home so he won't feel like a failure once again when the other kids laugh and tease, or even the adults? What do you do? We don't always know. You get mean looks, you get rude comments, you get frustrated yourself but you love. You love unconditionally. You hug, you kiss, you say "it's ok try again." Do you tell people of his issues or do you throw him into situations and pray he does ok and gets by? Will people think you are just exaggerating when you tell them things and that he really doesn't have a problem, he's just a brat or will people be caring and understanding of his limitations? We don't have all of the answers. We fail, get up and try again. We love him and know how great he is, we just want others to be able to see that too.

Treasuring the little moments

2011-06-10T05:44:00.000-07:00

The other day I was rushing to get ready. I don't remember where we were going but I was in a hurry, as always. The kids were running wild, Donny was at work. I gave the kids a snack, turned on Wild Krafts (Lane's favorite show right now) and got busy. As I begin to put my make up on my sweet 2 year old daughter walks into the bathroom with a big smile on her face. "What choo doooin' Momma?" Her favorite question. I huff out a, "Momma's trying to get ready." "I get ready with choo Momma," she says in the cute way she always over animates things. As I am about to say, Why don' t you go play with the boys? I look down and see that sweet smile. That smile that she gives to me so freely. The one that shows how much love she has in her heart. I can see it in that smile. So instead I say, "Yes we can get get ready together." I get a little jump and clap out of her, it is so easy to make her happy.
As I put on my make-up and brush the powder brush over her face, all the while telling her that she is beautiful and doesn't need make-up (like she is listening to that), I think to myself about how I almost missed spending this precious moment with my precious daughter. I think about how before long she will have her own routine to get ready and not want to be bothered by me, the mother that she is staring at so adoringly now. Not to long ago she was a 5 lb 5 oz baby that couldn't breathe on her own, couldn't eat on her own and had all types of tubes and wires hooked up to her and look at her now. She's a beautiful, spunky 2 1/2 year old that wants to take care of her Baby (her twin brother Lucas). She wants to make sure he eats and his nose is wiped and his needs are taken care of always. She is growing up to fast. She can carry on a conversation with me and I understand about 95% of it, most of the time. She is our girl, the only one we will probably ever have. She is the sugar and spice mixed in with our snips and snails. She wants to kiss the boy's boo-boos just like Momma and Momma's kisses still heal all of her boo-boos. As I see my children growing up so fast I am trying to watch them more closely because I want to remember the sweet little things they do. I want to remember the looks of awe on their faces over the small things their dad or I do. I want to remember them loving each other, fighting with each other and just being kids. I want to embrace these little moments like I had the other day with my sweet girl because they are precious. I am so thankful to be a Mom and I need to make sure my children know that.

I HATE DIETING!!!

2011-06-07T14:21:00.001-07:00

Here I am in all of my fat glory. UGH! I am trying to lose this weight. I want to look like I did when Donny and I got married, that's my dream. We shall see....... I am doing Weight Watchers. I can't go to the meetings or anything, don't have the time but I have the books and am trying to do on my own. I did it once before in between my first pregnancy, that I lost and my pregnancy with Lane and the weight just fell off. I lost 5 lbs a week for the first 25 lbs and soon after that I was pregnant again so I had to stop. I am not losing that fast this time around. I do have a thyroid problem and am on medication for it. I have heard that makes it harder but I don't know.
I hate my weight. It is a constant thing on my mind. I worry about it all the time. I barely have any clothes because who wants to shop for clothes when you think everything looks horrible? Not me! I wish I could blame my pregnancy with the twins, even though it's been over 2 years now but I can't. I lost all of the weight I had gained with them, fast after having them. I only have myself to blame and that is depressing.
Don't worry I don't say negative things about myself in front of the kids, EVER. They don't even know what the word fat means. I don't want to get those thoughts in their little heads yet. I don't want them to know how badly their mom's self image of herself is at this point. They think I'm beautiful, and tell me :) No pressure from Donny either, he tells me I'm beautiful. I just hate the way I look. I hate looking in a mirror. I have even stopped smiling in pictures because I hate how fat my face looks when I smile, see above pic. So I am on this weight loss journey once again.
I want to be healthier for myself and my family. I have 3 little people that depend on me and need me around for a long time. I owe it to them to try to get myself healthy. I am trying. It is so easy to eat all through out the day while I am at home. I LOVE food. LOVE IT!! I am trying not to. I just want to think of food as something my body has to have to live, not something I absolutely LOVE. It's hard for me but I am trying.

Doing what's best for us

2011-06-06T06:19:00.000-07:00

We have decided to home school. You are not talking me out of it, so no reason to try. We have had mixed reactions when we tell people. A lot of people think it's stupid and we are nuts, that's ok it's not you or your children. I have always thought homeschooling was a great thing so I never understood why parents of homeschoolers could be so defensive. Now I do......... Some people are just plain rude and think your nuts and want you to know it. I have already encountered this and I just started! I have also encountered positive things. Like my mother in law speaking up when someone asked about Lane starting school this year. Lane turned 5 in April so it's still new to him and he is proud to finally be 5, so he tells everyone he meets. He is my child that meets no stranger. So naturally people's reply is usually, "You will get to go to school this year. Are you excited?" "My Momma does my school at home," is always his reply, and I never know what to say. I know it should be easy but I'd just rather avoid it sometimes because I am new to it and don't want to hear the criticism I may hear. Although when I hear that negativity I wish I could just say,"Your not going to change my mind so just hush!" This time I didn't have to say a thing. My mother in law jumped in, "Yes he is already in school and he is doing a great job. His mom is homeschooling him and it's going great." I could have cried and then kissed her. It felt good, really good for someone else to say that and make me feel like we are doing the right thing, even though Donny and I truly believe we are and aren't changing it. I have prayed about this a lot, Donny and I have talked about it and we believe this is the best thing for our family. It is so rewarding teaching them and seeing them learn new things. I love having all of my children here with me all of the time, even if sometimes they drive me nuts, ok a lot of times. I love the relationships they are forming with each other, it is truly a beautiful thing. I love that my 5 year old is so sweet and innocent, I know it won't stay like this forever but it will for a while longer. I love that he didn't even know what the word FAT meant while learning it with Hooked On Phonics. Yep my children are sheltered, but we want to raise them a certain way and it's not the way of the world. My children are far from perfect but I love them and want what is best for THEM. We are doing what we believe is the right thing for our family and we are happy to do it. God has lent us these precious gifts and we are going to cherish them.

Snips, snails and PUPPY DOG tails

2011-06-06T05:50:00.001-07:00

Yep we got a dog, again. We got a dog almost a year ago, I think and it just didn't work out. He was not house trained at all. I tried, I really did but I didn't succeed. He always bit a lot and the kids were still so little that they were becoming afraid of him. I know puppies bite so obviously I hadn't thought it through, it was a spur of the moment type thing. That dog now lives with my parents out in the country and is very spoiled and happy! I am glad we didn't keep him because he turned out to be a HUGE dog and he wouldn't have enough room in our back yard to play.
Well since then my mother in law has become involved with fostering dogs and finding them homes. My kids love dogs, Lucas especially. So I decided we were finally ready for a dog now. I wanted a small dog that didn't shed but Donny didn't want a "girlie" dog and I didn't want him hating the dog. We talked about it and I asked him what type of dog HE would like. "I think I'd like a basset hound. They don't get to huge and they are manly dogs." Ok so a basset hound, I thought, where on Earth will I find one of those? I don't think I had ever even seen one in person. My mother in law comes to visit the next day and I tell her what Donny said, she smiles and says, "You've seen my new dog right?" Then shows me a picture on her cell of an adorable basset hound puppy. FATE? I don't know but it is funny to me. We went to visit the next week and saw this adorable little guy. Donny fell in love, the kids fell in love, I fell in love but wanted him to stay a little longer with Nana to be house trained a little better but Donny was so happy with him I agreed to bring him home with us that day. He has had a few accidents, one being last night, getting the end of OUR sheets on the floor and peeing on them, yep that didn't make me to happy but overall he's doing ok. The kids are in love. Lucas won't stay off of the poor thing. The puppy does do the little puppy biting but we are working on that and it doesn't make the kids terrified of him like it did the other dog, since they are older now. So meet our new family member BUSTER. I call him Buster Brown, Donny calls him Busta Rhymes. Yea we are goofy like that. I will admit that sometimes I regret getting him, just because of the extra responsibility but it is worth it because he makes the kids so happy. If you are looking for a dog adopt! We have got our best dogs that way and those dogs need homes the most.

Oh my oh my Lane is 5!

2011-05-06T12:37:00.001-07:00

I love this child. I wanted him for so long. I prayed for him. I cried for him and now he is 5! I can't believe it. I had a hard pregnancy with this little red headed sweetie. There was a cyst growing in there right along side him and it was getting to be so big the Dr. was talking surgery while I was pregnant. This terrified me! After losing one baby I was so afraid of losing another. I prayed non-stop. I had others praying. There was a time window for me to have the surgery and it be the most safe and the Dr. was just sure I would have to have the surgery, but wouldn't ya know when I went back for that final ultrasound before the surgery that big ol' cyst had shrunk down to barely nothing. The Dr. couldn't believe it! I however could most certainly believe it. It was a blessing from God and I knew it! Then again during delivery I got another scare, I was induced due to high blood pressure and Lane's heartbeat was dropping drastically with every contraction, so I had a c-section to get him out as soon as possible and again he was fine. I remember laying there and hearing his beautiful, LOUD cry for the first time, it was priceless. The Dr. held him up and I could see all this red fuzzy hair and red mad face, I couldn't help but laugh :) He had a temper even then, little stinker. He looked as if he already had his 2 bottom teeth, he didn't it was just the tooth buds up to the surface or something, they went back down. I was determined to breastfeed so when they couldn't calm my screaming little sweetie down they brought him back to me while I was still in the recovery room. They said it was against the rules but they just couldn't get him to calm and he was going crazy. I didn't mind, I was doped up and hurting but right when they put that beautiful little miracle in my arms I felt only joy. He stopped crying and was happy snuggled up to me. He still loves to snuggle up to me, loves hugs and kisses and to tell me how he REALLY REALLY loves me. This boy has a heart of gold. He is not perfect, we still have fits and some arguing with his brother and sister but he has such a sweet, good, heart. I love him so much and am so thankful for him. He loves people and never meets a stranger. We joke while grocery shopping that he should get paid for being the greeter because he has to say hi to everyone. I pray he never loses his joy for life, his sweetness, the wonderful things that make him Lane, our precious Lane. We have decided to homeschool him, I think this will help. I want him to stay innocent as long as possible. He is full of love and I want him to stay that way. I can't believe our big boy is 5 yrs old. It has been a wild ride, full of plenty of ups and downs but here we are and we wouldn't have it any other way.

Terrible Twos X 2!

2010-12-08T09:24:00.000-08:00

My babies, wait that needs to be a little more dramatic so you can get the feel of how I feel, MY BAAAABIES have turned 2! I can't believe it. Although it seems like they have been a part of our family always, it seems like I was just pregnant with them yesterday. Boy have there been some ups and downs with these two. They are great babies, really just having 2 of them can get hairy. They love each other dearly but they fight, oh do they fight. I play referee a lot through out the day. Lucas likes to wrestle and pull hair and Lexi doesn't like to be wrestled and have her hair pulled, so you can see the dilema. We had a party at the house. Lots of people showed up to celebrate with us and the kids loved it. The party was Toy Story themed, what else? I made little cakes that were suppose to look like spaceships, I won't say what they ended up looking like. I decided that those were my last birthday cakes to make, yes they were that bad. Not that the kids cared one bit :)

Thanks

2010-11-30T08:14:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving has come and gone. I am still in the spirit of giving Thanks though. I have so many things to be thankful for, 4 of them are in this picture above. I thank God every day, several times some days for the husband He blessed me with. I thought I may not be able to have children, God blessed with 3. I didn't think I would ever be able to stay home with my children, God blessed me with that chance. I am a sinner but I am saved. God saved little ol' me. Do I deserve any of this, no but I have it by His grace. I have so much love for my family but it is nothing compared to the love God has for us. I am nothing. I am a dirty sinner. I am a Momma that yells when she gets upset, I get mad at my husband for small stupid thing, I am not the friend I always could be to others but God loves me regardless and forgives me. He helps me to forgive myself too. Forgiveness is such a wonderful beautiful thing, really. Having hate in your heart is hard. It weighs you down and causes you pain. Just let go. Give it to the Lord. He will help you, I promise. It may not happen over night but keep on praying. God forgives and he will help you forgive. I have so much on my mind lately. I don't know what God has in store for us in the future but I know He will be in it. I can see him using our children to get to us. The other night we sat down to eat and forgot to pray. Lane is usually the one that reminds us, but as we were having pizza he forgot. I look over at my sweet, almost 2 baby girl and see her sitting there with her hands clasped smiling from ear to ear as as she says, "Pay Mumma, Pay!" I could have cried. So we prayed and gave thanks for our beautiful, wonderful children that are one of God's most precious gifts.

Sometimes us girls need a break

2010-11-18T08:07:00.001-08:00

Sometimes us girls just need a break from all the boys! Having 2 brothers can be hard on a little Princess. Lucas wrestles her and loves to pull her pretty hair. So sometimes when the boys have been extra hard on my Princess I like to take her in the bathroom and have girl time. She loves it. It usually involves fixing her hair and painting her toe nails. Never knew these things could make a 23 month old so happy, lol. She loves it and I really enjoy it also.

Just to see you smile....

2010-11-08T11:37:00.001-08:00

Just to see you smile, I'd do anything that you wanted me to. When all is said and done, I'd never count the cost. It's worth all that's lost, just to see you smile.
My oldest is 4 1/2 and he still smiles like this all the time. That smile that shows how thrilled he is to be doing whatever it is he is doing. Look at that smile, wouldn't you do whatever you could to see it? He is so loving and has such a kind heart. He is the most innocent 4 yr old I've ever met. Maybe we have sheltered him to much, I don't know. I hope he never loses the joy behind that big ol' open mouth smile. Momma loves you to the moon big boy.

Happy Belated Halloween!

2010-11-08T11:11:00.000-08:00

Making Memories

2010-10-02T20:34:00.001-07:00

I love this last picture. It looks like Lane was telling the scarecrow his secrets. When I was little we made these scarecrow / pumpkin head men, whatever you want to call them and I loved it. For some reason we stopped, I don't remember why but I just thought of it this year and knew we had to do it! I knew Lane would LOVE it and I was right :) So after a busy, tiring, insane day of shopping. grocery and clothes, we came home and made this guy. We had so much fun. I look forward to doing this every year. I want to make many memories with our children and have fun little traditions we do with them every year. I love them so much and feel so blessed every time I look at their beautiful smiling faces and I had many chances to see those smiles while we made this guy.

Zit Cream and Wrinkle Cream

2010-09-29T10:09:00.000-07:00

Here I am at 26 yrs old and I am seeing wrinkles and zits. Shouldn't it be one or the other? Really do I need to have both at the same time? Is it necessary? I was at Fred's the other day buying zit cream and wrinkle reducer, lol. I just find that hilarious for some reason. My hubby was taking pictures of me the other day, just acting silly, with that high priced camera of ours and when I looked at the pictures I was shocked at how awful my skin looked! "Does it look like that in real life?" I asked "It's just a really good camera and shows everything," he answered, not the answer I wanted. So I then had to learn to photoshop, LOL! Come on you know all the magazines do it, why can't I to feel a little better about my skin? I didn't take off any of chins of anything so it is still the real "me" just with a prettier complexion and when people on facebook commented on how pretty my picture was I didn't even tell. Is that wrong? Well I am telling now. My skin is not that smooth. I wish it were. I wonder if other women are buying zit cream and wrinkle cream together for themselves.........

Please Press Pause!

2010-09-13T13:59:00.001-07:00

I will be the first to admit, after Lexi and Lucas were born it was HARD! We had 2 newborn babies and a wild 2 yr old boy that was having issues from missing his Mama and Daddy. Those first few months we were just going on autopilot. We just did what we could to get by basically. We tried to enjoy it and did, but it was also very hard and draining. I wouldn't have it any other way but I am just telling the truth here.
Now here we are almost 2 yrs later :) This is what I was looking forward to. This is why I wanted our children to be close in age, I didn't expect twins but it is a tremendous blessing. It is still overwhelming and hard at times but it is getting better and better and I LOVE IT!
I still get stressed and have little melt downs but that is happening less and less.
Now my complaint is that it is going by to fast! Can we PLEASE PRESS PAUSE?

Lane ( my big boy)---- is 4 yrs old! That is OLD!! Now a Preschooler and doing wonderful, thank you very much. The teachers and workers say he is the most loving child they have ever seen.......hmmmm that's a lot different from the experience we had just LAST year. The only bad thing is that I miss him SO much. If he weren't doing so good and loving it so much I would take him out and just keep him home with me, but that would break his heart. He is starting speech which is a great thing, he really needs it. Lane is so much fun at this age. He comes up with the funniest thing and keeps Donny and me laughing all the time. He loves to tell us "stordies" that always start out with, "One upon a time there was a......BOY!" and then makes up the silliest stories ever. We love it. He always wants to make Mama happy (smart boy) and hates for you to be upset with him. He has such a sweet heart and is so full of love and joy. He still has that beautiful red hair and his eyes seem to get bluer every time I look at them. Going to school has helped him to overcome many things. Before when I would ask him to try to draw things he would not. He would whine and say, "I can't. You do it," always. Never wanted to try. Now he comes home from school and wants to draw! That may not sound like much to you but it is HUGE for this child. He is going through all of our paper but we aren't complaining :) Our fridge is full of things he has made. He is still just a scribbler but that is fine by me, he has come such a long way. Lane is very protective of his brother and sister. He CAN be so sweet with them and usually is until Lucas picks on him, yes Lucas picks on HIM! That does make Lane lose his cool which I can't blame him because little brother can be pretty rotten. We are trying to teach him to just tell us and not to deal with it himself because Lane is so much bigger and could really hurt Lucas. He pretty much lets Lexi have her way. Yea she is loving that. He even calls her "Princess" sometimes, thanks to Daddy. He loves to make us happy. Donny worked late the other night and Lane begged me to let him paint so I FINALLY agreed. I was very hesitant at first because he has always been so messy and I just didn't want to deal with it that night while I was alone and had so much to do. He did great. He had so much fun and painted all evening. I am so glad I gave in and let him have that fun. He was so proud. He even had to show his brother and sister the paintings. He kept saying over and over, "Daddy is just going to wove my pictures. He will just wove 'em!" and he did!

Lexi (the Princess)----This girl has more sass in her than most teenagers! Not that is is bad or anything she has plenty of sweetness to go with all that sass but woo, I didn't think I would have to deal with that until she was a little older. She is a heart melter though. Lexi loves giving me big squeeze your neck hugs and I just eat 'em up! She gives great sugars that involve poking out her bottom lip and after the kiss saying Mwuah! She loves her brothers and tries to play rough with them but always ends up hurt, she just isn't rough enough. She is tough, probably the toughest actually but not rough, if that makes sense. This girl makes the funniest faces I have ever seen! She still babies Lucas and even calls him Baby. That is his name to her and she treats him like her baby. She rubs his hair and wipes his nose like she is his mommy, and he lets her :) Lexi is very much a Momma's girl but loves her Daddy like crazy too. Daddy doesn't even call her Lexi, it's Princess to him. I don't think she will even answer him if he calls her Lexi. She has great speech and can say a lot of things but she is not a talker. She will say things when we are alone and I ask her too, she makes you look like your crazy if you ask her to talk in front of other people though. She is becoming shy more and more, which is funny because she was not a shy baby. She is my little dancer. The girl has skillz! She has rhythm like you wouldn't believe! I think she got all of our boys rhythm because those poor boys just don't have it. That's okay their Daddy doesn't either, lol. I love the way she comes to me and says "Mumma Mumma!"
Having her toe nails painted is one thing she loves, along with having her hair done but only if she gets to go in Mommy's bathroom and have it done, just her and Mommy. We do this when the boys have upset her by being to rough, which happens A LOT. She doesn't care about toys to much, she would rather sit with me and read a book or just cuddle, which is fine by me because neither of the boys would ever sit still long enough for that.

Lucas ( Baby)----One word- rotten!! Lucas can be so mean and rotten but then run to you and give you that smile that makes you almost forget how mean he was, almost. He is a cry baby, I'm not being mean, it's true. His feelings get hurt very easily. Pretty much when anyone besides me tells him no or gets on to him, his is heart broken. He has the saddest sad face ever, it breaks my heart and makes me baby him more, I can't help it! He LOVES hanging out with bigger boys. He drives Lane nuts, steals his food, kicks him, hits him, acts like he is going to bite him, all just wanting his attention. I like to think he is a Momma's boy but he also LOVES spending time with Daddy. It's Momma he wants when he is hurt or something though, that counts for something, right? You can always tell if he's up to no good because of the look on his face. He grits his teeth in a smile when he is being bad, it is really cute, lol. He is so rough. I would almost say he is rougher than Lane was, almost. He has the best manners. Always says thank you. Lexi says it a lot too, but sometimes she forgets, Lucas never forgets. Lucas is just so lovable. He is a great independent player, always looking out for Sissy too though. Oh yes Lexi is Sissy to him, that is her name as far as he is concerned. Great motor skills, like extremely great to me. Loves to play dress up in old Halloween costumes, always wants to be a "Botbot" (Robot) which is actually a ninja suit from when Lane was a baby. He is my itty bitty baby boy. He just seems tiny to me, I could just eat him up! He gives big open mouth kisses and if he thinks I am giving Sissy to much attention he runs as fast and as hard as he can right into me and thinks it's hilarious, then hugs and kisses me and takes off again. While in the nursery at church a few weeks ago, my friend walked by and saw another little boy push Lexi down. Lexi started crying and the nursery worker went and picked her up and was loving her, she said out of no where Lucas runs up and pushes that kid down, so I guess you could say he looks out for his sister!

So right now life is full of laughs and fun times for the most part and I love it. We don't have a lot of money but we are happy and in love with these beautiful little blessings. Time is just flying by and my babies are growing up, it makes me sad. Although I wouldn't mind fast-forwarding through the potty training. (which they are SO not ready for at this time) Sometimes I want to rewind and have my two little babies again and my bouncy energetic 2 yr old but at this moment I just want to press pause and enjoy the moment we are in right now.

Don't Laugh at me

2010-05-19T14:13:00.000-07:00

I'm a little boy with glasses
The one they call the geek
A little girl who never smiles
'Cause I've got braces on my teeth
And I know how it feels
To cry myself to sleep

I'm that kid on every playground
Who's always chosen last
A single teenage mother
Tryin' to overcome my past
You don't have to be my friend
But is it too much to ask

Don't laugh at me
Don't call me names
Don't get your pleasure from my pain
In God's eyes we're all the same
Someday we'll all have perfect wings
Don't laugh at me

I'm the cripple on the corner
You've passed me on the street
And I wouldn't be out here beggin'
If I had enough to eat
And don't think I don't notice
That our eyes never meet

I lost my wife and little boy when
Someone cross that yellow line
The day we laid them in the ground
Is the day I lost my mind
And right now I'm down to holdin'
This little cardboard sign...so

Don't laugh at me
Don't call me names
Don't get your pleasure from my pain
In God's eyes we're all the same
Someday we'll all have perfect wings
Don't laugh at me

I'm fat, I'm thin, I'm short, I'm tall
I'm deaf, I'm blind, hey, aren't we all

Don't laugh at me
Don't call me names
Don't get your pleasure from my pain
In God's eyes we're all the same
Someday we'll all have perfect wings
Don't laugh at me

I have always loved this song. I love it more now. This is Lane, our oldest on his 4th birthday. I love this little guy. He can be so difficult and frustrating but everything good is worth working for right? He is definitely worth it all. He has a severe speech delay that makes other children laugh at him quiet a bit. It breaks my heart. He doesn't completely understand it yet and thinks they are more laughing with him right now, so he just acts silly. One day he will though and it will break my heart even more.
We took him to a Child Specialist just to figure out if anything else was going on with him. We were told he is very intelligent :) though he does have some delays. The Dr. believes they are mostly due to my pregnancy with the twins and then us having 2 little babies to take care of when he was so young. Yea a big dose of Mommy guilt was served up to me! The Dr. didn't intentionally make me feel bad, it just happens. Lane is catching up wonderfully though. He also told us that the problem was not with language which works in a certain part of your brain, the problem is just the speech in his mouth. We are also going to get him to see an ENT to make sure there isn't something going on there bc the boy snores like a grown man sometimes.
The Dr. also said that he is a VERY PRO-SOCIAL child, my child? Me that is so shy I turn red when someone new talks to me? We aren't sure where he gets it. We blame Donny's grandma bc she has never met a stranger, lol. We love her to death and she keeps us laughing just like Lane does. He explained that is why he gets so up close in other children's faces bc he wants them to like him so much and he is so used to people not understanding him, he wants them to so badly. The Dr. explained things really well and we left there happy and satisfied with his evaluation.
My little pro-social boy with a speech problem just wants others to like him and understand him, this often makes other dislike him and laugh at him. It is heartbreaking to me of course I want everyone to see the good in him like I do. This song just fits him perfect to me. I pray that the other mommies out there try to teach their children to be nice to everyone despite their differences. Don't label a child as "bad" right off the bat and make your children judge quickly too. God loves us all and we are all his children, and just so you know, none of us are perfect!

It's been a while but I am still here.

2010-05-19T14:06:00.000-07:00

I know I know I am an awful blogger. Things have been crazy. We moved to a town closer to Donny's job. I was worried about doing it but it was definitely the best thing for us. I am so much happier now. We see Donny in the morning before work, at lunch and he is home by 5!! That makes it worth it to me! Our new house is next door to a really good friend of mine too, so that makes it better. I do miss some of my old friends but we keep in touch through Facebook and by phone so it's ok. We still know we are always there for each other if needed. Since moving the kids have been sick over and over and over and over, it seems. We are ALL finally well for the moment :) Which makes me SO HAPPY as Lane would say! Lane had a birthday :) He is now 4 and is acting so much better. He is maturing so much and understanding so much more and can be a good little helper, if he is in the mood for it, lol. I plan on blogging more, I promise! My computer I blog on is now in our bedroom and that makes it harder for me to do so that is another reason for my slacking. I am still alive and doing well though :) More blogs to come, I promise!

Things I have learned along the way

2010-02-04T06:44:00.000-08:00

Yes this is a picture of my babies fighting over who gets to Momma first. No Lexi didn't get hit in the head with the bat. Why did I use this picture you ask? Because it happens. Fighting happens with siblings. These two play wonderful together, they share most of the time, they take turns with the help of Momma making them, they give each other sweet kisses and hugs but the truth is they still fight over who Momma picks up first. Most of the time if I am holding one of them then I have to hold the other. They are jealous of each other, especially Lucas. If Lucas sees Lexi coming to be then he runs past her ( he has the speed), pushes her back and jumps on me. What do I do, nothing. I let them solve the little things themselves. If one of them is getting hurt, or I think they will be hurt them I step in. I
I want to raise them to take up for themselves and work out their own problems when possible. When one falls and I KNOW they aren't hurt, what do I do? I turn my head and act like I didn't see it. Some people may think I am a mean or uncaring Mom, I am not. What do they do when they fall and aren't hurt? Instantly look to see if Momma saw them fall, if she did they cry and act as if their world is ending, if she didn't they get up and start playing again. I am a boo-boo kisser but for these things there are no boo-boos to kiss.

THE BOTTLE
I am not a pro at this parenting thing, believe me! I am just sharing what worked for me with my 3 kiddos. If you are a breastfeeding Mom (YAY for you!) ignore this bc I was not successful at breastfeeding Lane so I didn't try with the twins. I want to say that I DO believe the breast is the best! If you can and want to do it, go for it. If you are a bottle feeder I will share my experiences with you.
I hate the bottle. It always made my life harder while going places. I had to pack a diaper bag with so much junk already and hated having to drag around a container of formula and however many bottles you thought your child may need. I am a planner and always think ahead and always prepare for worst case scenario so I always carried way more than needed. Lane was off of the bottle at 11 months and Lucas and Lexi were off at 10 months. It made my life SO much easier. No more washing bottles! With the twins that was a BIG plus! Let me say it is recommended up keep your child on formula for at least 12 months. I did with Lane in the sippy cups, I didn't with the twins. They are healthy and weren't drinking many bottles anyway. (they like FOOD) I do use whole milk bc I think the small ones need the vitamins and fat in it.
TIPS
1.Do not get your baby hooked to taking a bottle to go to sleep, BIG mistake! I know that when they are itty bitty newborn they do this, at this time they don't do much more but eat and sleep. Once they are bigger and eating food then you can slack off on that. I would even feed my kids a bottle and then play with them a little bit to keep them up just so they didn't think they HAD to have that bottle just to go to sleep. When kids think they need that bottle to fall asleep it makes it harder on Mom in the middle of the night. If they want to have something give them a paci, my kids all have loved their paci's.
2. Do not prop the bottle up in the bed or wherever he/she may be. I know many people do this, I do not like it one bit. I believe it leads to ear infections and is not good for baby. When a baby is laying down drinking then the fluid can go right down to their ear, no I am not a Dr. but my pediatrician told me this all the time when my kids were small and I sure yours tells you this too. I also believe that baby needs that bonding time with Mommy. It is special, enjoy it, it doesn't last long. If I can have 2 at a time and hold them for almost every single feeding you can do your one, I promise. Sometimes I have to put them in their bouncy seats and feed them bottles at the same time if they were both really hungry and going nuts.
3. I would never give my baby a bottle to have on their own in the bed with them, not my style. Same goes with Lane, no cups in his room at bedtime, that is not a good thing to start and horrible for potty training. This goes back to the no feeding while laying down. I feel strongly about these things, maybe because all of my kids suffered from reflux and HAD to be fed in an upright position. I have a fear of babies choking on their bottles at an early age too. Lane choked on everything as a small baby. I think this increases ear infections, Lane did not have an ear infection until he was over 2 yrs old, and I believe this is the reason. I am not saying that if your child has a lot of ear infections it is your fault, Lucas has already had 2 and I have done the same with him, he just has lots of drainage and it builds up there.
4. Once you take the bottle away DON'T GO BACK!!!! Lane wanted a bottle a few times after he was off of it, but I didn't give in. That is the biggest mistake you can make. Consistency is definitely the key to parenting. ( I am not always great at this but I was with the bottles) So many parents say well they were off of the bottle for a while and then they got sick so I gave it back. That bottle does not make your child better people! It was probably the fact that you held them more to give them the bottle or something like that. Just don't do it, never look back. Once you take it away for good, throw them out and never look back! I did make sure mine were weaned down to 2 bottles a day before taking it away. I did this gradually. With Lucas and Lexi they were extremely easy to break. Lucas basically refused to drink out of them anymore and so I put them away. Lexi just followed along and didn't care at all. Never any tears or anything for them.
5. Introduce sippy cups early. My children started getting a sippy of water with meals around 5 months. I would feed them their food and give them drinks out the cups, just to get them used to it. They didn't drink much of the water then but got used to the cup.
6. Don't give your baby juice. Why do parents do this? What is the point? Give your baby water. It is good for them. It is wonderful to give your children water when they are small so they will be used to it and like it. They won't think they have to have that extra flavor. I did not do this with Lane and he is a juice head, lol. He thinks he needs juice all the time. He does drink water but only after telling me that is not what he wants. Lucas and Lexi only drink milk and water. Unless one is constipated. Juice cleans them out really good. Or if one of them gets a hold of Lane's cup, that is never pretty. They have milk with meals and water with snacks. Sometimes I give them more milk if I don't think they are eating enough food. Milk is good for kids and so is water. I never gave my kids juice in a bottle either, not a good idea in my book. Juice is like crack to babies. They LOVE it. It is sweet and yummy, why make them associate it with a bottle when you are going to try to break them from a bottle soon?
Sleeping
I am not a co-sleeper, nothing wrong with it, it just wasn't for us. Donny is a WILD sleeper. He kicks, hits, yells and acts crazy. I was always afraid my baby would be hurt. I turn in my sleep a lot and always worried about smothering a baby. Plus my husband and I very much like our private time! We like to have our own space that is baby free (once we move them out of our room that is) Many moms do it and say that it makes them sleep better and feel more secure, I do not think they are wrong, I am just saying it wouldn't work for US. I did have all of our kids in our bedroom in the beginning though just not in our bed. Lane stayed in our room longer because of his severe reflux, he would get choked all through the night and have to be picked up to catch his breath and clear his throat. After him doing that I was a worry wart and kept him in our room until he was 6 months old. At 6 months he had stopped getting choked in the night for a while and he was not sleeping good. Daddy was ready for more privacy again too and I was happy to get the baby bed out of our room. We moved him into his own room and the 2nd night he slept all night and slept so much better than he had in our room. I didn't get any sleep at first because I was so worried. I had a baby monitor though and soon started sleeping good too. With Lucas and Lexi we had them in our room in pack-n-plays for about 2 months, then moved them to their rooms into their cribs. They didn't choke in the night like Lane had and they were getting to cramped in the pack-n-play bassinet thing. They still woke up for feeding of course but slept better still. I didn't worry as much and slept good, mostly because I was so tired I think, lol.
Tips
1. Always put your baby to bed AWAKE! This is so very important. We did not do this with Lane and had a problem with him for a while, when we finally had to start it , it was hard and a whole process of crying it out and such but once we did it, it worked out so much better for us all. With Lucas and Lexi I had to start doing this a lot earlier because I had 3 kids to tend to. I couldn't rock both of them until they fell asleep and then do the other. I did at first, it didn't work. I was rocking a baby all day, add trying to potty train a 2 yr old to that, it just doesn't work. So I started laying them down awake. Yes they screamed at first. I have NEVER heard a baby scream louder than Miss Lexi, she is LOUD, believe me but it had to be done. Before long they went to sleep on their own and did great. Now I lay them down and they may whine a second every once in a while but they always go to sleep on their own. They actually won't go to sleep while I am holding them so this works out good. I have found that they sleep so much better at night if they go to sleep on their own too, I don't know why but it's true. Obviously this doesn't apply for a newborn baby or an infant bc they fall asleep while you are feeding them and such.
2. Paci's are my friends when they are little. I don't want mine stuck on the bottle in the middle of the night, I would much rather give them their paci's. I broke Lane of his paci except for sleeping at around 13 months, I haven't done that for the twins. They love them and it just makes my life a lot easier right now, lol. They are teething and it helps them. Lane had more teeth by this age and once I had taken it away I wasn't giving it back during the day. Like I said Consistency is the key. So for now Lucas and Lexi still suck paci's when they want. I will break it down to less soon, when I am up for the challenge. So once they are older and eating baby food and you know they don't NEED that bottle in the middle of the night ( my dr. actually told me when it was with all of them, I am thinking around 6 months?) try giving them the paci in the night instead of a bottle. Don't pick them up, just give it to them and lay them back down. I pat their back and tell them it is night night time and I love them. If you pick them up they will keep doing it, they are smart little stinkers!
Taking them out in public
I know people that didn't take their kids out to eat until they were 2! Just bc they were afraid of a scene. I like to go out. I sit at home all day, every day and enjoying getting out into the real world. My husband would stay at home and not take them out anywhere if it was possible. Yes it can be embarrassing. They will scream sometimes. They will poop, they will spit up, they will act like they have no sense but how do you expect them to learn? I am sure many of you have seen me out with mine. Yes I do claim that red headed one that is usually screaming for candy, he is mine, I admit it. He stays in the house way to much and doesn't know how to act sometimes. He is loud and stubborn and loves candy. Should I stay home 24/7 because my child is loud and cries for candy, I don't think so. There is a local restaurant that we love that has a huge gumball machine right at the door. So every time we went there Lane would cry for candy. We have gotten many dirty looks and stares for him but hey what are you going to do? Certainly not reward him for acting that way and he IS our kid so we kinda have to bring him along. I am very happy to report that he has not thrown a fit for that candy in a while. (after a year of going nuts for it) Consistency! We won, even though it took forever, pick your battles and some are worth fighting. This one was to us because I didn't want him to think he could have whatever he wanted by acting like a crazy person!
Lucas and Lexi are not as strong willed as Lane and we haven't had as much of a problem with them, maybe we can just handle it better now? I don't know. I do remember when they were probably 2 months old, us going out to eat for a pizza buffet after church. We had nobody to go with us but we really wanted to go. I don't think people without multiples think about how hard simple things can be for the parents. So we go, Lane is still 2 yrs old and wild btw. We have both babies in their carriers, Donny fixes our plates and we start to eat, both babies start to cry, Lane starts to whine, we are trying to get some food in us so we can tend to the babies, then Lane has to potty, great. So I am sitting here holding one baby while the other is sitting in the carrier screaming. I am rocking the carrier trying to comfort him but he just wants held. I got so many dirty looks, to you people I say POO on YOU! LOL Finally another mother came over and asked if she could help. She was very sweet and saw that I was overwhelmed. At that time Donny and Lane came back and she didn't have to do anything but it was nice of her to offer. Another point of mine is us moms need to stick together, offer a helping hand, don't judge someone because their child is acting like a lunatic. It could just as easy be your child. I promise Lane doesn't act crazy at home like he sometimes does out in public. Kids have their bad days and bad moments. Never say your child won't be like that because I promise you will eat those words!!!
They are all different
I will not sugar coat it, Lane can be a difficult child. He can also be the most loving and sweetest thing ever. He does not listen well and you have to tell him things over and over. He doesn't want to play with his brother and sister a lot but is VERY protective of them. He wants to go with anybody that will let him. He is very outgoing and always wants to talk to everyone he meets.
Lexi is sassy but she is kinda a push over. She lets Lucas have the toys she is playing with a lot of the time to avoid a fight but if she has something she really wants she will fight for it, and boy can she fight if she wants to. She is a momma's girl but wants her daddy to watch everything she does. She likes to point at you and shake her little finger in your face if she is mad. She loves to meet new people and always has a smile for them.
Lucas is never still. He goes non stop. He does not walk, he runs. He is very jealous of me. He is very loving and loves giving kisses. He thinks Lane is the greatest thing ever even though Lane is mean to him most of the time. He does not like strangers at all, he will hide his face or give them a mean look.
My point is that I have 3 kids that came from the same 2 parents and they are all so completely different. I remember when I was pregnant with the twins and Donny was going on and on about how baby boys and baby girls really act the same, it is just that people treat them different, boy was he wrong. It has really been amazing and fun to have one of each at the same time going through the same stages. Boys and girls are very different let me tell you. Both of my boys have been more hyper and want to go go go, Lexi is calm and will sit and play with a toy and be content. Lucas will run all over the house and run from me (lane was the same) and Lexi will stay with me and walk with me when I tell her to come on. Lexi pouts, the boys hit.
It is not just their sex though, it is just them. They have their own little personalities from the beginning. Some kids will repeat after you and do as you ask to show your friends their cute little tricks, some kids will look at you like you are stupid for asking to show your friends what they can do, and some kids will hide their face in your shirt if you ask them to talk to anybody else. They will also all hit milestones at different time. Try hard not to compare. Lane didn't crawl until he was 9 months old and walk at 14-15 months, Lucas crawled at 6 months, walked at 9 months, Lexi crawled at 7 months, walked at 11 months.No child is the same as another. So if you are having your 2nd child, don't expect them to be a little replica of your first. Don't see a child in the grocery store throwing a fit and think to yourself "That Mom is not doing something right, if that were MY child they wouldn't be acting like that." YOU WILL EAT YOUR WORDS, believe me, I HAVE!!!
Potty training
I HATE Potty training! HATE IT!!! At around 15 months old I could tell anytime Lane had to poop, time for potty training, I thought! WRONG!!! BIGGEST MISTAKE EVER! I watched him all day to see the "right face" he would make to see if he had to go. I would rush him to the potty and he'd go, did great too. But I wasn't training HIM, I was training ME! It was so not worth it either. He couldn't care less. He had no interest in the potty. He started crying when I would mention it, it was horrible for us both. He was going when I would take him but he hated it and I hated doing it. Remember my law though consistency is the key, well with this one I had to break it. It was my fault, I started to early for him. Some children do train that early, not him, he was no way ready. I think I have learned from that though. Donny is already talking potty training the twins, I am saying NO way! I am not ready for it and I don't think they are anywhere close to being ready for it. I don't know what I have in store for training 2 either. I may have to do them separately because they may not be ready at the same time, who knows. So I started with Lane at 15 months, and he was trained right after his 3rd birthday, good job for me right? haha Wait until you think they are ready, he obviously wasn't. Don't jump the gun, it is a pain in the butt once you start it anyways!
SIBLINGS
I dreamed of Lane helping me care for the twins, bringing me diapers, holding their bottles, wanting to kiss them. What did he do? Well at first he was excited. He does love them but he gets sick of them. He got tired of hearing about the babies. He got tired of Mommy and Daddy having to take care of them all the time. (probably a lot easier when you have 1 more, I don't know) He got tired of hearing don't touch that, it's the baby's. Now he gets tired of them getting his toys, he gets tired of them crying, he gets tired of hearing, wait a minute Mommy has to do this for the baby. He does love them but he needs his breaks. When he gets really frustrated I will let him go in the other room and play without them around. He has just started wanting to go to his bedroom and play alone which I think is great for him. He gets jealous of how much time I spend tending to them and then he acts out. I realized that was why he was acting out and read in a book to talk to him about it and tell him he doesn't have to act like that if he wants attention, just ask for a hug, I thought yea right! But it does help. He still needs and deserves way more alone time with Mommy than he gets but I am doing the best I can for now. He is starting to play with them more but is usually way to rough. My point in this is that it may not be the way you thought it would be but just make the best of it. Let them know that you still love them and they are still important too. I would love to have one day a week where Lane and I go and hang out together alone, but I don't have a babysitter so that is not possible right now. He does go and hang out with his grandparents on his own a lot and he really enjoys that.
Your spouse
The dumbest thing I have ever heard of is when people have kids to try to make their marriage or relationship work. That is soooo stupid. Sure you love your kids, you want them to be happy, you do everything you can for them but they are WORK! They are stressful, they are demanding, they are expensive and they just plain wear you out! They put a strain on the relationship, they don't magically cure it. Please only plan a baby if you are in a good spot with your spouse, don't have a baby to try to save the relationship it will not work. It is so easy after you have a child to think about all of the things you do. Especially a worn out mom that sits at home all day and cares for all of the kids, like me. You start making lists in your head thinking, well I did this and this and this, he didn't do anything around here all day and I am tired of doing it all. You start to compare what you do to what they do, bad idea. A better way to go about this is to talk to your loved one and say look I need your help. Lets work together. You do this and I will do that. Women most of the time your man won't mind, they honestly just don't think like we do. They don't think of all the things that have to be done before you go to bed, all the bottles, washed, all the toys picked up. Ask for help, in a nice way, usually that is all it takes. You will be so much happier and in return be nicer, and they will be happier!
God
This is important to me.
1. Be thankful to God for these precious little gifts. He thinks a lot of you to trust you with them.
2. You are responsible for what this child is exposed to.
3. Pray for your kids. I pray for mine, ALL the time. To me God is like my best friend that I talk to all the time. I don't have to start a prayer, with Dear Heavenly Father or whatever. I just talk. He hears me, he knows what's up. You wouldn't believe how much it helps when you are having a bad day to just talk to God. Pray for your kids, pray for yourself. He is always there listening, he loves you and wants to help when needed.
4. Salvation. Teach your kids about it. We talk to Lane about Jesus know, he doesn't understand that good but we try. Again pray for your children's salvation, I do even though mine are little and don't understand. I pray that one day they come to know the Lord and ask him into their heart, I mean isn't that the most important thing EVER?
Little tips
1. Don't yell. A mistake I have learned from and have a 3 yr older yeller because of. It is my fault, I know it. I still do it but try VERY hard not to.
2. Try to find another non-judging mom to talk to, it helps.
3. Trust in your husband, he is there to help you. He is not helpless.
4. Don't rush your kids to do everything, they will do it in their own time, just enjoy them. Each stage goes by so fast.
5. Used things are ok. Don't think you are to good! You aren't!
Ok I am done for now. I am no pro my any means but this is just how things have worked out for us.

Lane's "Cake House"

2009-12-15T14:11:00.000-08:00

This year we made our first Gingerbread house or as Lane called it "Cake House!" LOL We stayed up after Lucas and Lexi were in bed to have this special time with Lane and it was so worth it. He thought it was the neatest thing ever. He decorated a lot of it and ate a lot of the candy while doing so. Getting to spend that time alone with him was great. Don't get me wrong I am so thankful for Lucas and Lexi and feel so blessed to have them but I will admit sometimes we miss the old days when it was just us 3. Things were definitely a lot easier then!
Of course right when it was done Lane was wanting to eat it. He had ate gobs of the candy while making it but that wasn't enough. It was bedtime though and I wanted him to actually sleep so we had to cut him off. The first thing he said when he woke up the next morning was, "Where is Lane's cake house?" Some time in the night someone.....it may have been me.........ate the little Christmas tree, I knew he would notice and sure enough he did right off, lol. He looked at it a while and then turned to me and said "Momma's what's wrong with Lane's cake house?" I acted like I didn't know to see if he'd figure it out. "MOMMA my Christmas tree is gone!!!!" LOL so I confessed. Surprisingly he wasn't mad like I thought he would be but he did take that as the go ahead to eat off of the cake house. At first I caught him sneaking little pieces of the candy. He couldn't deny it bc his face and hands were stained red from it. Then it became Batman's house, which was funny to watch. Later it was destroyed, at first I was irritated but then I thought about and decided that it was his "cake house" and he had enjoyed it to the end and that was what was important, to me anyways!

It's not a bowl full of cherries

2009-11-03T05:28:00.001-08:00

Sometimes I feel like doing this, just having a melt down. This pic is from earlier this month. Why is my sweet baby boy crying so hard? BC he was pulling his sister's hair as hard as he could and his mean mommy took it out of his hands. I guess he didn't like that. He cried harder than she did from his pulling it, lol. Most of my blogs are about how happy and good everything is, well it is not like that all the time, believe me. I have my melt downs just like this cute little guy. Take this morning for instance. I woke up at 4:45 to go potty. (yes I said go potty, I have a 3 yr old ok!) Soon after I heard the twins rustling around. I was hoping so bad they'd sleep in, we even kept them up a little later last night. They were given their paci's and Lucas fell back asleep but Miss Lexi had different plans. She ended up waking him back up by 5:30. Donny and I tried to rock them back to sleep, that didn't work so we laid them back down. Lucas was out again but the Princess was ready for her day to start, momma not so much. When you have 3 kids and one is awake crying, letting them cry it out isn't really an option unless you want all 3 to be crying. So of course Lexi got her way. I was not happy about it, let me tell you. Since the time change the days are dragging by. Yesterday the kids were all up by 5:45 and at 9:30 I looked at the clock thinking it was lunch time, I was very disapointed. So I was upset just thinking about how long today is going to be. Donny has to work late so it's on me all evening too.
So like I said I was/am in a funk. Donny was nice enough to get me breakfast this morning. He asked what I wanted I said, just nothing with sausage. So what did he bring back, a sausage biscuit. Of course I griped and complained (sorry honey). He thought I had said I wanted sausage. I was wrong for being so grumpy to him, I know it. I feel bad now. He left for work and I gsve Lane his sausage cheese biscuit. Lane gets mad bc the cheese is stuck to it and insists I scrape it all off. I do my best but can't get it all off, he is upset. I am standing there thinking- UGH why are you so picky. CLICK!(that was in my head lol) Who did he just see complaining about her food? Me. Great example Mom. I do learn many things from my kids as they do from me. I want those things they learn from me to be good positive things though, not bad things.
He wouldn't eat the biscuit so the twins shared it. Then they got in a fight over a cup. Lucas wants whatever paci or cup Lexi has, always. He even takes both of their paci's out of their mouths and trades them. Lexi doesn't mind when she gets a trade but today he was just stealing her cup. So yea they are at the arguing age already. Yesterday it was over a cup too. Lucas took it from Lexi and she pushed him, I have to say I was proud of her bc usually she just runs to me and cries. She is going to have to learn to take up for herself with 2 rowdy brothers. However Lucas finished his drink and handed the cup over to Lexi :) (yay my 11 month old shared, after he was done of course, lol) So what I am saying by all of this is it's not always easy. Some days are hard and I want to pull my hair out! Donny and I argue sometimes mostly bc I get so stressed. I get sick of sitting in this house and complain, a lot. When you have a baby some other mother, (me definitely being one of them) usually says "Welcome to Motherhood, it is the best!" I agree but it is also hard work. Maybe that is what makes it so good in the end? When you DO see your 11 month old share, when you see your 3 old holding his baby sister on his lap and asking you to take their picture, when your baby boy is walking around like a little Frankenstein and your 3 yr old loves it so much that they start walking like that too, when your baby girl gives you big open mouth kisses :) , when you ask for kisses from your baby boy and get your lips licked, lol yea we are working on that, when you watch the man you love and chose to be the father of your children play with those children and give them hugs and kisses while you take a little break, even if it is to cook supper, that makes all the bad stuff ok in the end and is what keeps ME sane anyways, well as sane as I can be, lol. I get stressed, I yell. I worry, a lot. I am mean to my husband sometimes when he doesn't really deserve it :( just bc I am stressed and a tad jealous that he gets out in the real world. I am no perfect mother or wife that is for sure. In the end it may not all be a bowl full of cherries but it is worth it. So all of you new mothers, "Welcome to Motherhood, it is the best! ;)"

Why I love what I do! (well most of the time lol)

2009-10-19T15:55:00.000-07:00

These are what I call my 3 bosses. They make up my schedule for the day and they are the ones I have to answer to if I do something wrong. They watch everything I do and that makes me try harder to be a good person. These are my children. I wanted children for as long as I can remember. I wanted them right when we got married, thankfully Donny had better sense. I feel like raising them is the most important job I will ever have. God has entrusted Donny and me with these 3 little lives and we want to do our very best to raise them. It is true many days I am pulling my hair out by the time my hubby gets home (good thing I have thick hair) but I wouldn't have it any other way. They are my life. I am so thankful that I am able to stay home with them. My husband works hard and we make sacrifices but it is all worth it in the end. Some days I do wish I could get out and work with other ppl. Then I see my baby girl take her first step (this happened today!) and it makes me glad I am home with them. I have seen all of my children's first steps. That is something you don't get back and I got it with all 3 :) I know it makes Donny sad that he misses so much but he is glad that I am here witnessing it all. It is worth it when I am teaching Lane something in our "school" time and I see that little light click and him get it. He gets so proud of himself. It is worth it when I turn on music and get to watch Lucas dancing, and let me tell ya that boy has rhythm! I really like watching Lexi hug her baby doll :) That makes me smile to think that she has learned that from me and my hugs to her. So I may look like a mess most of the time and my house could definitely be a lot cleaner, but I am here with my kids holding them, loving them and watching them learn new things every day! It is a blessing and I know it. So if one minute I am fussing bc I have to sit in this house all the time, just wait another minute bc then I will be saying how much fun the kids are and how much I love it!

Cowboys and cowgirl

2009-10-05T12:45:00.000-07:00

Saturday we got the opportunity to go and let Lane ride some horses. We had been planning on letting him for a while, every since he saw an episode of Agent Oso where he rode horses. Lane saw that show and has begged to get to ride one since. Donny just so happens to work with a man that owns a few horses and he invited us out. It was so nice. Of course all of the kids fell asleep on the way there so they were all a little out of it at first, lol. Lane got to ride the pony first and he thought that was pretty fun. Then he looked up and saw 2 big horses, Jackson and Tough and begged to ride them. So they saddled them up and let him ride them both too. He loved it. Now he thinks he is a real cowboy. He was telling my parents about it yesterday and saying YEEHAW! He rode them all around, Ms. Jessica was leading them for him of course but he had a blast. Lucas and Lexi enjoyed watching him ride and Mrs. Rhonda even sat them up on Jackson and let them play. Lexi loved it, she really likes animals. Lucas wasn't to sure about it but he ended up liking it too. After Lane rode all of the horses, (he had to spread the love out, LOL) he ran around playing with Mr. Steve and had a blast. When we got ready to leave he kept telling Donny and me bye bye and that he wanted to stay there, lol. It was a wonderful day full of family fun. I am so glad we got to experience it with our children. Times like these are priceless.

Fun with Circles

2009-09-30T14:38:00.000-07:00

We learned about circles today, which he already knew but I thought he would still enjoy it and he did. He was very proud of the circle bear we made. He did a good job. We traced circles and colored circles, then we went around the playroom and found toys with circles on them. He did very good and enjoyed it very much. He is now not letting his bear get out of his sight bc he is afraid the babies will mess it up before Daddy gets to see it. It can be tough having two younger siblings that want all of your things!

Lane's first day of preschool- at home

2009-09-22T04:56:00.001-07:00

Yesterday was our first day of preschool at home. When I told Lane we were going to have school he got scared and said, "NO Lane no go bye bye to school, NO school!" :( So I explained to him that it was going to be at home with Momma, finally he agreed. His Daddy was home yesterday bc of a Dr.'s appointment so that helped me out a lot. He even drew us an Ark. I have no skills in drawing what so ever. We had story time first. Lane still didn't really want to do it and I did get a book thrown at my head. So while he spent his 3 minutes in time out, I cried and wondered if this was going to work. He came back and wanted me to read the story again. He actually listened this time and enjoyed it. We read about Noah's Ark and he learned about God's promise with the rainbow. We worked on our colors with the rainbow. He loved it. He practiced with cutting while Daddy cut out the Ark. I explained to him that we only cut on paper to which he replied, "Momma, I'm sorry I going to cut Wexi's hair." LOL funny but scary! I decided from now on scissor time will be while brother and sister sleep. We had music time which everyone loved, including Lucas and Lexi. Lane and I even baked a cake from scratch! (Remember daddy was home, those type of things won't happen everyday) He did get put in time out a few times but overall it went really well. Once he figured out what we were doing he loved it and didn't want to stop. He did not like when we had to stop to feed the babies and stuff like that. I did have to stop several times to get the twins out of things they didn't need to mess with. We all had a good time though. When I started Lane was whining about wanting to watch the TV, when we had to stop to feed itty bitties I turned it on for him and he didn't even care about watching it. When we got the babies to sleep we went back to school and I left the TV on for a minute just to see what he would do, he completely ignored it and didn't mind at all when I turned it back off. He was happy to be learning :)

Your kids can teach you a few things.

2009-09-18T10:09:00.001-07:00

My children are always teaching me things. I found Lucas crawling under big brother's rocking chair and wondered what he was doing. I could tell he was on a mission to do something that was very important to him. (Of course I got the camera) I realized he was trying to get a tiny piece of pretzel that big brother must have lost sometime. He was very determined and I let him do it. As he got a hold of it and popped that paci out I grabbed that pretzel away. (I had to take it he could have choked.) He didn't care anyways, he was just proud of himself for doing the work and getting it. He was showing me that if you want something work for it and don't be upset if you don't get the results you really wanted. This child is the one that got all his Daddy's patience. Lane not so much, Lexi not a lot.

Built in Momma's Voice.

2009-09-16T11:51:00.001-07:00

I love you for you. I wanted you for so long. I prayed for you everyday. I prayed to God for my very own baby and that is what he gave me. You are are an original and not a copy. Some may think that is bad but that is what makes you who you are and I love that person very much. You are the first little baby I had seen that growled at people to greet them and then laughed because you thought you had scared them. You know what you want and go for it. Never stop that. Don't let people or the world get you down baby, because you are special. You are loved. You are one of a kind and that is a very good thing. You dance to your own beat and have fun doing it. I will do my best to help you with anything you need. No matter what you know God, Momma, and Daddy ALWAYS love you. You are a precious gift that God has given us to take care of for him. I will do my best and hope not to fail Him or you.

I made a mistake. You know that voice that you get in your head, no in your heart when you become a Mom? The way you always knows what is best for your child? The way you can always tell when your child is getting sick before anyone else can. I can't tell you how many times I have taken Lane to the dr. and been told he is fine and then a few days later him be sick as a dog. Moms just know what is going on with their children usually. Mom's know what is best. I was stupid and ignored that voice and feel horrible about it.

Lane is no longer in school. He loved going so much but it just wasn't working out. He had only been to school for 8 days which were broken up throughout 4 weeks and they say that he is to hard to handle. He gets to excited and is to big (he can hurt the other kids easily without really trying just bc he is excited), he doesn't sit still, he doesn't stay in the proper play centers....and so on. The fact that he is THREE years old could have something to do with most of those things, but hey what do I know?
I am not stupid, I admit Lane is different from others in some ways. He is very passionate about things. When he is angry he is very angry but you can calm him down if you take the time and try. When he is happy he is really happy, but I don't think that is a bad thing. I love my child and I think he's great. I have learned that I am his mother though and I love him no matter what, others not so much. He may have ADHD or something like that, I don't know. I DO know that I would not medicate my child at 3 yrs old anyways and I know that he can be worked with and he can mind. But it is ok.
He will be ok. He went into this so happy and wanting to go to school all the time. He LOVED it. That is one reason why I kept sending him and trying for him. He got the new backpack, a lunch box, new school clothes, we paid the $200 for tuition and supplies, that is not counting the monthly payment that was paid. After 5 days of school he was sent home and I am told that he makes the teacher and her assistants day very long and hard when he is there. (thanks that makes a mother feel wonderful) To me that sounds like "your child makes our life miserable and we would prefer him not to be there." I was told he requires to much one on one time, which yes he does require one on one time. He doesn't know about staying in certain areas and such. He has been at home with his momma since the day he was born. An entire 9 months of his life he was being taken care of by a momma that could barely do anything because she was pregnant with twins and could only do the most necessary things. So yea my kid may not know how to act in a "structured" setting but I think it takes more than 5 days for him to learn. It was just one thing after another. I could see that he wasn't really wanted there and that hurt me.
When I took him to school one day and he hid behind me, something my child has never done, I thought that was very strange. (Another time I didn't listen to my built in momma voice) I soon realized he was afraid of the one that was in charge at that moment. My child has never been afraid of anybody in his life. YES we are the ones you have seen in Wal-mart with the red-headed little boy that goes up to every stranger and yells," HI I'M LANE!" I was told that my child doesn't like to be touched. My CHILD? The one that tries to hug complete strangers and even offers them sugars? That is not my child. Now if you are trying to "guide" him to a place my his shoulders ( my husband saw that and figured out that is what they were talking about) that he does not want to go he will jerk away, he is 3, is that not normal? I was then told that he is stubborn and has a mind of his own. He is very stubborn, I know that and THANK GOD that he has a mind of his own. Do we really want robots? I don't. Sure I could stand for him to be a little easier at times but we work towards that. I thought sending him to preschool would help with that. That he would learn things to help with that. Instead I felt like he just got left behind, I felt like he was just to much of a bother.
I have seen other children being dropped off by their parents and watched them cry for their mommas and get comforted.........so why when my child does it after less than a minute I hear the assistant telling him if he doesn't stop he will be sent to the principal's office? What a great way to start out the day for him. I shocked her that day when I marched my mad self right back in there and got him myself and said no if he was going to cry we could go home. I was in the hallway and she didn't know. She told me that he had been crying the "WHOLE time" since I left, what the whole time it took for me to walk out to my van and back bc I realized I had forgot to leave his backpack, that is CRAP. Sorry it is. I did not make her look like she was wrong to him though. I let him know he needed to stay and if he went home he was not going to play he was going to take a nap bc he was obviously still tired. Now I think I was wrong of me, I should have just took my baby home then and told that lady to shove it! But I didn't. I should have listened to my mommy voice and realized there was a reason he didn't want left in there when at first he was running to his seat and telling me "BYE MOMMA WOVE YOU! BYE BYE" (as in LEAVE already!) His teacher came in and he calmed down and stayed. I worried about him all day after that though.
So yesterday I am asked if he can start just coming from 10:30-2:45. Really? Do you think that would make it better bc I do not. Personally I think that would have made it 10x's worse! He will be more excited by that time and more hyped up about being there. I was however given the compliment that after he finally falls asleep he takes a great nap, geez what I always hoped for my son can nap great! So I thought about this new schedule for him and then realized that most of the time he would be eating lunch and taking a nap at school. Do I really need to pay for him to go and eat and sleep at preschool? That is not what I am wanting him to get out of it, how to eat with other children and nap. Oh wait he is already a good napper. So my 3 yr. old is to much for 2 women to handle 3 days a week for 7 hours a day. You would think he was a demon child. He is not however. He can have his moments don't get me wrong but he is actually pretty sweet and very loving.
So finally I am listening to my built in Momma voice. My child is no longer going to go to that place. I saw a change in him after that short time and don't understand it. He is wanting me to hold him continuously now and that is NOT MY CHILD either. I am just loving him and giving him tons of love. I don't know what happened to him and I don't know why the big change but it is very obvious to me and his daddy. It is like he is worried we don't like him or something. That hurts. I feel like I failed him. Donny and I feel like the assistant was trying to "break" him and MAKE him be a certain way, which of course is not easy with MY child. We think it really got to him and that is what the change is about. :( Donny said it perfectly last night, he does not need to be "broken" he needs to be "guided." ( I love that man) I was only trying to do what I thought was best for him. I think I was being selfish in some ways bc I did enjoy the break. Hey it does get hard staying home with a 3 yr old (that has a mind of his own, haha) and 9 month old twins! Going to preschool may still be a good thing for him but not there, obviously. For now he is home with his momma where I know he is being loved. He does need interaction with other kids though and I know this. I need to figure something else out. Truthfully I am afraid of the whole preschool thing now. I don't know what is to come in the future but I do believe I will listen to my built in Momma's voice more now.

It's been a while.......

2009-08-26T08:41:00.000-07:00

So I stink at this! Donny asked me the other night why I haven't updated my blog and I didn't have an answer. I just didn't think anybody ever looked at it really, and I have just been busy. I have been reading a lot. I got hooked on the Twilight Saga, lol. I know you are probably laughing but don't they are actually good! I have been trying to keep up on my laundry more- ugh that is a losing battle. So the updates--

Lexi started crawling at around 8 months old! She is going everywhere now and is so happy she can finally chase after her "bubba's" as she calls them.

Lucas is into EVERYTHING. He is our daredevil for sure. He can stand alone, thinks he can walk, and he thinks Lane is the coolest ever!

Lane has started in a 3 yr old preschool program 3 days a week. He went last week and was sick this week :( Everyone tells me that most kids get sick the first time the go to school so I guess it's normal. He LOVES it. We go in and he runs to the kids and says bye momma I wove you! C-ya morrow! I am so glad he loves it and doesn't cry, but I knew he wouldn't bc that is just him. He does cry when I come to get him though :( That makes you feel bad. He sees me and starts screaming "NO! No bye bye with momma!" Can you feel the love. I will admit that hurts my feelings but I can't blame him he is at school having fun all day and when he is home it is not so much fun watching momma feed and take care of babies all day. I am checking in to getting him to go 5 days a week, we will see. He goes from 8 am -3pm. He talks about a girl at school all the time. When he can't go (like all this week bc he has been sick) he cries wanting to go, so I know he LOVES it and that makes me happy. He is becoming more independent too, which I thought would never happen. He was perfectly content on having me do everything for him. It is time for him to do more on his own so this makes me happy!

Donny and I have decided definitely no more kids. (Unless God decides otherwise to our unknowing) We just want to enjoy the ones we have now. We want to be done with the baby stage when the twins get out of it all, if that makes sense. Right now it is difficult to do a lot but in a few years it will be easier and we want to just have fun with the kids and not have to drag along a baby. Plus kids are really expensive! The day we are done with formula and diapers will be a very good day!

I have some dreaming going on in my head of things I want to do myself but who knows if I ever will. I am not very creative at the moment. What else??? hmmm I can't think of anything to important to include. We are just living day to day and taking care of these kiddos. They take up all our time pretty much. We love the boogers though!

We have a crawler!

2009-06-29T09:32:00.000-07:00

Lucas can crawl! He has been trying for a while but Friday night he just started moving his arms and went for it. It is so funny to watch him. Lexi laughs at him. I think watching him go places has made her want to start bc now she is getting on her knees and rocking, so it probably won't be to long before she is crawling too. This boy is so precious. He just melts my heart. I love each of my children the same amount but they are each so special in different ways to me. Lucas is just like Donny, and I love it! He has no fear. If he wants to do something he goes for it. He doesn't worry about not being able to do it. If he doesn't suceed the first time he gets back up and keeps trying. Lane was nothing like this. Lane didn't crawl until he was 9 months old. Lane is like me, if he can't do something just right he doesn't want to do it. Lane was very cautious. He didn't walk until he was around 13-14 months all by himself bc he was so cautious. It was obvious that he could but he would not, he was to afraid. Not Lucas! Lucas is not cautious at all. He tries everything. He can get into a sitting position by himself too. He started that last week. He wasn't even able to sit up alone very good but he tried it and did pretty good. At first he would support himself on one hand, not anymore. He sits right up like a big boy. It amazes me. I don't feel like he is old enough to do all this. He is my BABY! Children grow up to fast that is for sure. We had to put all the itty baby things away this weekend and get the playpens back out so I can contain them while I have to do things. Lucas isn't to happy about that bc he wants to GO! Lucas is going to be the one that is the dare devil, I can tell. Lexi is more like Lane. She is more cautious. She is also more laid back. She is content if you are holding her. Lucas likes to be held sometimes but he wants to get down most of the time and do something. Lexi is happy with her paci and blankie to play with, Lucas wants to get everything, mostly big brother's toys! We have been watching videos of Lane as a baby all weekend and we hadn't realized how much you forget. We also hadn't realized how much Lane has grown up in the last 7 months. He is no longer a baby by any means, he is a little boy. He talks so much better, is potty trained, and is a big brother to 2 babies. Watching the videos made us realize just how fast they change. We enjoyed Lane so much and are hoping we can enjoy these two just as much. It is going to be more challenging bc there are 2 of them and we have Lane, but I just don't see how we can't enjoy them. They are each so special. I feel so blessed that God chose me to be their mommy. I pray that I don't let him down.

Happy Birthday Daddy!

2009-06-26T08:56:00.000-07:00

Thursday, June 25th was Donny's birthday. Funds were low so the kids and I made him something. They had so much fun! Somehow I managed to keep Lucas clean for the most part, but Miss Lexi wasn't so lucky. Lane thought it was the coolest thing ever to make it for Daddy.

Mr. Cool

2009-06-26T08:55:00.000-07:00

In his Daddy's words, "His future's so bright he's gotta wear shades."

Go Sister GO!

2009-06-26T08:51:00.001-07:00

Lexi is finally attempting to crawl, Lucas has been for a while. He is doing pretty good, her not so much, lol. He can move his legs great but doesn't do so well with his arms so he just falls on his chest. He doesn't mind though, he just keeps trucking and goes to what he wants. I like this pic bc she was actually trying and he was laying there watching and "talking" to her and it looked as if he was cheering her on. She ended up falling on her face and throwing a huge fit. She didn't like it. Lucas has fallen on his face and he gets up and goes again, not this girl. They make me laugh so much everyday. I love it!

2009-06-22T08:00:00.000-07:00

Saturday while at a baby shower I saw a good friend of mine that sadly I don't get to see very often. She was playing with the twins and commenting on how much Lucas looks like Donny and Lexi looks like me. She then asked, "Is she LIKE you though? You know all......." and she did a little girlie look and movement like I was prissy or something! LOL She knows me to well. I said yes she is just like me. Sunday I got the pics to prove it. She was acting like a little model at the pond and loving getting her picture taken as you can tell. Lucas was sleepy and grumpy so I didn't get any real good ones of him. He is just as sweet but not as sassy, lol.

My road to motherhood.......this will be long!!!

2009-06-18T13:31:00.000-07:00

On September 7, 2002 I became Brooke White. It was 3 days after my 18th bday! We just couldn't wait to be married. Shortly after I began to experience some womanly problems and went to the dr. about them. He told me I had endometrious and had it pretty badly. He said I may not be able to have children and if I wanted a chance I should have them then. This was heartbreaking to me! All my life I wanted children. My dream was to be a mom. I didn't have big career goals I wanted to be a wife and mother the most! So I went home hysterical and told Donny. Donny said there was no way we could have kids then. We were REALLY poor. I mean really. Looking back I have no idea how we made it, but we did. We lived off of Hamburger Helper I think, haha. To this day we both remember the kind we ate so often, cheesey enchilada, I no longer buy it. Neither of us would be able to eat it bc we ate it so much then! Donny being the sensible man he is told me it was ok. He said there was no way we could have kids then, but if we weren't able to one day, we would just adopt. We both knew we could love a child that wasn't our biological child just as much as one that was. I was upset but knew he was right. Unless the kid had come out able to eat Cheesey Enchilada Hamburger Helper we couldn't afford it. So we put those dreams on the back burner. I went to Cosmetology school and Donny finished college. Finally after Donny had a better job and I had one as a hairdresser he agreed to try for a baby! I was so thrilled! This was in Nov. of ' 04 I do believe, although the years all just run together for me now. So we tried for 3 months and much to our delight I got pregnant! We were so thrilled. All of our families were thrilled. It was wonderful. I went to the dr right away and had an ultrasound. We saw the little sac, the baby was to small to see then, I believe I was 6 weeks (?) that could be off a little. So the days went by, we were both living in a bubble. I was getting horrible morning sickness but I was so happy I didn't mind. I had a little spotting one time but the dr said it was fine as long as it was so little. Weeks go by......... I am about to enter my 2nd trimester which is when you hear it becomes so much safer so I was thrilled. I had been so worried the whole time that something bad would happen. In the mean time we had found a church we liked and felt we belonged to. Since the time we got married we had always said we wanted to be in church but we never took the time to find one. When I got pregnant I decided then was the time. I wanted our child to have a church home and us to have a church family, I knew it was a very important thing. Plus I was just so thankful for my little bean that I wanted to praise God in his house! We decided to join the church and I got baptized into the church, I was already saved but I had never took the next step and gotten baptized. So one lovely Sunday morning I took the step and did. It was so wonderful. I felt it was even more special bc I had my baby with me :)
The next day I had a dr.'s appt. I was so glad be it seemed like it had been forever since I had been. I was about 11 weeks then. The dr. decided to do an ultrasound to see how the baby was doing. As he was looking I could see the concerned look on his face. It freaked me out of course. So I started studying the u/s machine. I could see on the top of the screen where it says the size the baby was measuring and it said 6 weeks and something.......... but I was over 11 weeks. I sat there knowing something was wrong but not wanting to hear it. The dr. told me the baby had stopped growing. My heart broke. Donny was there for me and held me. I truly have a wonderful husband. He was my rock. He was so saddened too and let me know but he was there for me like I could have never imagined. The dr. told me to come back in a week so we could see if it got any bigger in that time. I knew it wouldn't I knew that my baby had gone to be with the Lord. This was by far the worst experience in my life so far. I was so heartbroken. I was still having morning sickness btw, which would make me very mad since my baby wasn't even living. I guess I still had the hormones in my body strong enough to make me sick??? Anyways I cried more than I knew I could. I had already loved my child deeply and wanted him or her so badly. I didn't understand why this happened to us. We were trying to live right, we were getting closer to God. Why did this happen to us? I had so much pity on myself for so long. Our preacher ended up sending someone to talk to me who had basically experienced the same thing. She made me feel so much better. Listening to her and talking to her about my baby and her talking about her baby was wonderful. Donny and the rest of my family were wonderful too. Donny was a better husband than I could have ever thought. He made me stop thinking why me...he made me turn to the Lord. It was as if Donny carried me in his arms to the arms of the Lord. The Lord was the one I needed. He helped Donny and I both through that horrible time. We leaned on each other a lot but mostly on the Lord. I now believe that we had to go through that to bring us closer to the Lord. I do not have any resentment to him for that, he knows what is best.
I went back the next week knowing my baby was gone, the dr. confirmed it. I had to end up having a procedure done to have the baby removed bc my body wouldn't miscarry on its own. I remember going into the operating room and crying hysterically. All I could think about was what was about to be done. How anyone could ever get an abortion, I don't know. I turned to the Lord again and he helped me through it.
So a little time went by and we decided to try again. It was hard to make that decision. I was so afraid the same thing would happen again. Donny helped me through my fears though. This time my body wasn't working right. I wasn't ovulating at all on my own. So nothing was happening. I ended up having to take clomid and doing all the temp charting stuff, that is not the most romantic way to conceive a baby but hey you do what you gotta do! 4 months later we found out I was pregnant again! We were thrilled, nervous of course but thrilled! By this time I had a different job, working as a teller at the bank. I had actually just started earlier that month. Not the best thing to happen your first month at a new job but oh well, we were thrilled. I had made a wonderful friend that lived across the street. She was a young mother of 2 that was crazy as can be. She also worked at the bank as a teller. She was very loving and kind. So off to the dr. again. We went for u/s every week this time and got to see our little bean grow! I said GROW! I did have a cyst that was growing too though. The dr. was very concerned about it. He said it was probably caused my the meds I had to take to conceive. He said it should shrink soon so not to worry. Every week I went back and the baby was growing but so was the cyst. The dr. said that I would need surgery to remove it if it didn't start to shrink. My heart dropped! Could that harm my baby? I was in a lot of pain a lot of the time but if I could carry my baby while having the cyst I said I would. I would deal with the pain in order to have a healthy baby. He said no that I couldn't do that bc it was to large. By this time the baby was still tiny but the cyst was the size of a softball. My belly was protruding a lot bc of the cyst. I looked much farther along than I was. Of course I was worried. The dr. said that there was a small window of time that the surgery would be safest to remove the cyst. He said it was likely I would lose one ovary and not be able to have more children with one ovary and my other problems. We kept praying. My new friend talked to me and helped me a lot. She prayed for me all the time and told me it would all work out. She had a wonderful trust in the Lord. She made me stronger in my relationship with the Lord too. Donny was still there being wonderful and encouraging too of course, I love that man. My parents were great through it all too. If anyone were more worried than me it was my parents. They were worried for my baby but most of all for their baby, me. We had been told that it could be dangerous if the cyst burst bc of it's location or something, I don't know I didn't really listen to that part, it wasn't me I was worried about. I hadn't even thought about my life, the danger I could be in for that wasn't important. I was fastly approaching my 14 week, the time period that the surgery would be safest. My new friend came over one day after work, knowing how worried I was and she asked if we could pray. She said "I want us to touch your belly and pray for this baby. I know God is going to answer our prayers! I know you and your baby are going to be okay." So we did. She led the prayer. I was in tears. It touched me that she cared so much. That is when I formed a bond that I will always have with her, no matter what. Her faith touched me. Donny and I prayed a lot too, our church family and my gma's also was praying for us. When I went to the Dr. again he sat me down and told me that he was pretty certain that we would scheduling the surgery for the next week. He said we would do an u/s to make sure but he just couldn't see it being any other way. I got up on that table and prayed. I prayed for God to take that cyst away. I prayed for God to give me strength if I did have to have the surgery and for my baby to be a fighter and survive it. I looked at the Dr.'s face as he rubbed the thing over my belly time and time again. He looked concerned. I was scared again. Then he said, "I can't believe it. It has shrunk so small that I can barely see it now. I don't know how this happened but no surgery is needed. It will not be a problem at all now!" My dr. could not believe it, he didn't know what happened! I did! God did it! I told him that I had a lot of ppl praying for me and obviously it worked! My pregnancy went by and on April 25th Lane Alan White was born. The delivery was a fast c-section bc his heart rate kept dropping with every contraction I had. Lane was healthy though, 7 lbs. 6 oz. 21 inches long with fuzzy red hair. He was so precious. I was taken into the recovery room after being sewn up and wasn't suppose to see Lane for a few hours while I rested and he was cleaned up and stuff. Lane had different plans however. I was laying there in the recovery room and a nurse came to me, she said I am sorry to bother you, I know you are in pain but we can not get your baby to calm down. He is screaming and will not stop. Is it alright if we bring him to you to see if you can calm him down? Half out of it I said yes. A few minutes later I hear a screaming baby that was VERY loud, might I add. It was my little bundle of joy. He already had that red-head temper that he gets from his Poppa (my dad). Donny was with the nurse and looked so proud. He smiled at me as the nurse placed the little screaming baby into my arms. I held him close and touched him softly and he stopped crying right away. He just wanted his Momma. That really touched my heart. He was perfectly content then. Donny asked could he hold him, I said of course he's YOURS! Donny had a smile from ear to ear. That was a wonderful day...................................
Eleven months later we decide it is time for a new addition. We decided to try on our own for a while without the help of Dr.'s or drugs to see if it would happen. Days turned into weeks, weeks into months........ finally we decided I should go to a Dr. I went to a new Dr. this time bc I didn't care for the last one to much. I loved the new Dr. he told me that no doubt I would need medication this time to get pregnant too. Donny and I discussed it and decided we would do it again despite the risk of the cysts, it was worth it in the end. I ended up taking the medication for 5 months this time. Every month I would take a test or two to see if I was pregnant bc my period wasn't really coming on it's own, I would have to take medication for that too usually. Finally when we had been trying for 13 months I told Donny that I knew I was getting pregnant this month. Something was different about this month and I just KNEW it was going to happen. Donny told not to get my hopes up to high. We talked about what we would do if I couldn't get pregnant with the meds this time. I looked into other options. We couldn't afford to adopt and I was so afraid we'd get a baby and then have it taken away from us. That is a big fear I had. I discovered there was another way, I won't go into details but it causes a greater chance of multiples. I told Donny about it and he said that we needed to decide if it was worth it to us. He said he could love 100 kids so it was great by him, have I mentioned I love this man? So that was the plan. I decided the next time I saw my Dr. I would ask about that procedure if I didn't get pregnant that month. I didn't have to though. The time of the month when I could test was coming again and so was Lane's 2nd bday. We had started this journey a month before his first bday and here we were about to celebrate his 2nd. That got me down. I decided I would take the test on his actual bday for fun. I did and this time it was positive! I could barely see the line but new it was there, I was an expert at reading the tests after all of them I had taken! Donny was of course thrilled! We told all of our parents that day, on Lane's 2nd bday. What a wonderful day April 25th is for us. Our first born was born that day and our second and third were discovered on that day! I went to the dr a couple weeks later. I was a little over 5-6 weeks then I believe. We were full of emotions, happy, nervous, anxious. The u/s tech couldn't see anything good that time and asked me to come back the next week. Oh the torture. I was so afraid. We went back the next week and much to our surprise she told us that she saw 2 possibly 3 sacs! It didn't even register with me really. All I kept thinking was that I should get a healthy baby out of this, not really believing I'd actually have more than one. I had to come back the next week and they said there were definitely 2 healthy looking sacs. Everyone asks how Donny took it, it took it wonderfully! He had a huge smile on his face. I think he took it better than me. My mind ran wild about diapers, formula and bills! I believe to this day that God waited until we agreed that multiples would be ok if we really wanted another child, remember we were thinking of doing the other procedure that could likely lead to multiples. My pregnancy went by slow. I got HUGE! It was very challenging taking care of Lane, in the end I had some help at times which was very much needed. I needed more than I was able to get though. Lane watched me throw up over and over again. To this day when he sees me holding a bowl he comes up and acts like he is throwing up in it. He thinks that is what you do, poor kid. I did the best I could. It was hard, I won't lie. I thought it would never end. I had a dream in the beginning that it was boy/girl twins and I was right. I just knew it was! That was just perfect to me, exactly what I wanted. Donny had it really hard during my pregnancy too. He had to work all day, then come home and cook, clean and bath Lane. It was all I could do to feed Lane and keep him from hurting himself. He rolled around on me on the couch a lot. I was sick forever and when that finally got better I was just huge and miserable and unable to do much. I started feeling contractions pretty early. I had been cramping a lot one week so on Thursday I decided I would just run by my Dr.'s office to tell him about it. I told the nurse and she said she thought I should go get checked out at the L&D. ( I had been there previously while having contractions and was given meds to take in case I had them more) I went and I was contracting more than I thought. They ended up keeping me a while and having me hooked up on monitors and I went into labor!!! I was 34 weeks and scared to death! My Dr. told me he would do everything he could to stop it. They were pumping all kinds of things in me and I was throwing up over and over. Everything made me puke. It was horrible. I was on all types of drugs and was in and out of it. Late in the night/early in the morning the Dr. decided that the babies were coming and I needed to be shipped to a hospital more capable of caring for premature babies. So I had to ride in an ambulance to UAMS. I never want to ride in an ambulance again, that is all I will say about that! My experience at UAMS was not a pleasant one. I never want to go there again. Labor ended up stopping by the time I got there. I am so thankful to Dr. Hurt for all he did. UAMS kept me for a week. They had to stop labor one more time. I was showing all the signs of preclamsia without the high blood pressure. They were really concerned about my liver, it wasn't functioning properly or something. Donny had to sleep in the van for a week, it was horrible for him too but he wanted to be there in case the babies came. They just kept keeping me and to me it was torture. I missed Lane so badly and the room I was in was shared, it was just awful. If you visited me you know how bad it was. My mom ended up getting in touch with my Dr. and he said he saw no need in me having to stay there. They were just planning on keeping me until the babies came. After a week of staying there we told them we wanted to leave. Of course they didn't want us to but we told them we were no matter what and we got to go eventually. I was so happy to see my sweet Lane when we got home. I missed him so much! That is the longest I have been without him and it was awful. I cried myself to sleep every night. Donny was so wonderful and my mom came and visited a lot. She took care of Lane and I know that wasn't easy. He was missing me and his daddy. I stayed on bed rest for another week, besides my daily visits to the L&D for stress tests. Then my blood pressure went up a bit and the Dr. decided it was time. I had all the other signs of preclamsia for 2 weeks by then but my blood pressure was always good so the first sign of a rise and he was ready for them to be born. On December 3, 2008 Lexi Nicole White and Lucas Gene White were born! It was a repeat c-section, my mom and Donny were in there, same as with Lane. Lexi was born first weighing 5.5lbs, 18 inches long. She had a loud cry. I thought to myself, YAY she has healthy lungs! ( little did I know....) Dr. said that we didn't have time to see her bc the baby boy had to come out right away. Lucas was then born weighing 6.1 lbs, 19 inches long. He had a smaller cry. After I heard them both cry I felt everything was ok and relaxed a bit. Donny and my mom say that they brought Lexi in for me to see soon after but I never saw her and I don't remember at all. They said I looked right at her but I don't recall. Off to recovery I went. I was in and out of it but I kept asking about my babies. The nurse in there didn't know anything of course. Finally I got to go into my own room. They had to wheel me in the bed past the nursery so I tried to catch a glimpse of my babies. They had these big hood things over their heads for oxygen. I couldn't see them very well at all. When I got into my room I was asking when I could see the babies. I was told that they were worried that Lucas had something wrong with his lungs. They later said his lungs were ok and he got to come into the room with me some. He was so sweet. Nobody was really telling me anything about Lexi. Of course I was worried. My mom told me she was breathing hard and they couldn't get her to eat. It wasn't until the next day that we were told she had a whole in her lung and she wasn't eating at all. They had tried everything they could to get an IV in her but none of them could. She had my awful veins. Her Dr. decided she needed to be medflighted to Children's Hospital of Little Rock. I was devastated. I wanted my baby! I wanted what was best for her though. I wanted her to be healthy. They let me go into the nursery and touch her for the first time before they took her. She was so sweet and tiny laying there. I rubbed her leg and told her how much we all loved her. I told her she was going to be ok. I prayed she would be ok. Donny brought Lucas in there so they could be close. She still had the hood over her so he couldn't get to close. I was taken back to my room and the medflight ppl came. They got a vein in her scalp to put the IV in. I was warned of this beforehand so when they let me see her it wouldn't be such a shock. They wheeled my little angel in in the clear box-thing with an IV in her tiny head, it was so sad. I had told myself I'd be strong though. We all told her how special she was and how much we loved her and she was taken away on her first helicopter ride, hopefully her last in those type of circumstances. I felt like a piece of my heart was ripped from me. I was so thankful that Lucas was still with me though. He was doing good. He was so sweet too. He grunted continously. Donny decided he would go with Lexi. That was awful to me too. Nothing was what we had planned. We were suppose to all be together. I was glad he could go be with her though. He took care of everything for her. He was there for her when I couldn't be. My mom stayed and took care of Lucas and me. She helped me a lot. We prayed for Lexi and called Donny every chance we could. We had another little baby to take care of though, Lucas. I will say I am glad that I had him with me. It helped me not to think about her not being there. I just concentrated on him. We were released on Friday afternoon. those first few days of Lexi's life and Donny missed Lucas'. That has always made me sad. I am glad that they each had one of us though. My parents, Lucas and I made the trip to see Lexi the next day. Donny was so happy to see us and especially to see Lucas. He was thrilled that I was finally going to be able to see my baby girl too. I could just see how happy he was for me. I really love him, if I haven't said that already. We were told 2 could go back at a time. Donny said that my mom and I could go. It was so strange walking into the room full of babies and not knowing which one was mine. That was really devasting to me. I just felt like I should know. I had to ask a nurse and was directed to this little beauty. We couldn't see much of her face or anything bc she had goggles on and tubes everywhere. She had already gotten off a lot of the things though. No longer was she was a breathing machine, Donny told me I was lucky not to have to see her like that, I agree. She was so sweet. We took Lucas back with us to be close to her. They say twins have a special connection and I believe it. We couldn't do anything but touch her and talk to her. I wanted to hold my baby so bad. She was 4 days old and had never been held by anyone besides nurses and doctors. I was afraid she wouldn't love me and feel connected to me. I was wrong, she is very much a mommy's girl. Donny continued to stay with her everyday. He wanted to make sure she knew she was loved. He is wonderful, right? He would run home for a few hours between visiting times and see the boys and me. My mom took care of us. She was awesome. We missed Donny but wanted him to be there for Lexi too. Finally they said I could hold her. I was so afraid I'd mess up one of her tubes so I wanted Donny to first but he said "No you are her Momma she needs you." I am glad he did. I held my little angel as if she would break. Alarms would beep and scare me and I'd yell at a nurse everytime. Every day she was doing better and better. She had so many ppl praying for her. When she was able to drink bottles Donny made sure he was there to feed her for every feeding. I was still at mom's recovering from the c-section and trying to help mom with the boys. I went when I could. Donny took care of her though and I knew she was in good hands with him. She got to come home that next Friday, so she was there for 8 days. A baby that couldn't breath on her own, or eat was called a healthy baby in 8 days, isn't God good? So that is my story. We have three beautiful healthy children when once we were told we may not have any. The Lord has truly blessed us. It is hectic and wild at times but it is always wonderful and rewarding.
Lane over 3 yr. old now and a wonderful big brother. He is finally potty trained, for the most part. He has a wonderful imagination, still has the temper but he can melt your heart with sweetness too.
Lexi is over 6 months old, beautiful, a momma's girl, she has a big cheesey smile that is so big it makes her eyes dissapear. She has 3 teeth broken through, she loves playing with Lucas and watching Lane play. She loves her Daddy to pieces, she is haapy if she is being held.
Lucas is a happy baby. He has big dimples on his cheeks and one in his chin too. He also has 3 teeth broken through. He loves to chase Lane in his walker. He loves getting kisses. He is almost crawling.
God has blessed me more than I ever expected. I believe we are finished having children now, unless God has other plans. Donny says he'd like more but is happy with our 3 as am I. I am so thankful God allowed me to experience the wonderful world of motherhood. I do think of our first baby often but I understand what it's purpose was at the same time. None of my children will ever wonder if they are loved or wanted. They are kissed and hugged a lot. We tell them we love them every chance we get. We are not perfect by far but we are happy and thankful for all God has given us.

More pics of Lane's bday

2009-05-01T05:39:00.001-07:00

The twins got tired fast!

Flying the kite with Daddy

Lane and his Daddy

Happy Birthday Lane!

2009-05-01T05:29:00.000-07:00

Lane's 3rd bday was Saturday, April 25th. He had a cute little cake but when he got his piece this is what he did to it, he didn't even eat it! He got up and opened his presents from us, it was so fun this year bc he really understood and was so excited. He got his fav for breakfast, donuts. He basically got everything he liked that entire day. Donny and him flew a kite later that day, he thought that was awesome. The babies and I watched. They think he is amazing. I can't believe my baby is 3. Time sure flies!

Let's be thankful!

2009-04-24T05:55:00.001-07:00

This morning Lane woke up asking for a cookie. I told him no and gave him oatmeal. He didn't complain and ate all of his oatmeal and was happy about it bc he hadn't had it for a while. He ate his oatmeal on the step to his playroom bc he is not allowed food in there. Well his bowl was empty but still sitting there so I threw a cookie in there to see what he did. When he finally saw it you would think he won the lottery! It was so cute and funny. He jumped up and down, "A cookie, a cookie Momma a cookie!" Why can't we all be so thankful for the little things? I love the innocence in children. The simplest things make them so happy. It makes you want to do more to make them happy. When we grow up it becomes more difficult to make us so happy so ppl stop trying so hard. I want to be more like Lane. I want to be so happy over the small things. I think I actually am since having children. One reason is we can't afford a lot of things. A toddler and 2 infants gets pretty expensive. We are making it though. I know I am more excited when we get to go out now though. I am more appreciative I guess you could say.
I really appreciate all the ppl that have helped us along the way. So many ppl have given me clothes, mostly girl clothes bc that is what they had but thats fine bc it is less we have to buy. I have a group of friends on the internet that are awesome. We have been talking for years. Whenever one of us has a baby we all send some $ and a card to them. I don't know if they know it but the money they sent me actually bought Lane's Christmas presents. If that money hadn't come then he would have got nothing. We had spent all our money while I was in the hospital for preterm labor with the twins and then the twins were born and we had to spend more on things. I am so thankful for these things. God always makes things fall into place and I have learned and still am learning to be more thankful for even the small things.

I hope you are always this happy!

2009-04-17T06:55:00.000-07:00

I love this pic. No all of his head is not in it but so what. This pic shows him at his best. He can be so happy sometimes I love it. He can go overboard being excited but that is one thing I love about him. I hope this never changes. I hope the mean people of the world never break my child. He is a sweetheart full of love. This is the smile I get over the simplest things. You want some candy? You want to go bye-bye? You want to see Poppa? Dadda's home! I love it. I hope he is always like this.

My worst enemy

2009-04-16T05:38:00.000-07:00

I see you everyday, and it makes me sick. We stare each other down watching to see how close we will get to one another. If you get close enough to me I will knock you out! I know you felt that water I threw on you the other day. That made you run. You have been in that corner for way to long. I wish I could kill you. I asked Donny to do it but for some reason he hasn't. Standing there with those long legs just looking at me. I pray you aren't having babies bc that is the last thing we need. You better stay away from my kids too. They don't need your dirtiness rubbing off on them. Lane would probably like you bc he likes nasty things like that. The thought of you makes my skin crawl ewwwwwwwww. Yet everday I know I will see you. I know your scared of me as well you should be.
What am I talking about? A spider that has been in my shower since we moved here! You didn't think I was talking about a person did you? Come on I am a lady! That stupid spider is up in the corner of shower where I can't reach. It watches me everyday and sometimes comes closer. I will get it one of these days. Hopefully I get it before it gets me!

Are you choking?

2009-04-15T14:16:00.000-07:00

I was sitting in the living room and heard Lane coughing really hard in the other room. I knew he had snuck a piece of candy so I was worried he was choking on it. I put the baby down ran into the room and started hitting him on the back. When I stopped he looked at me crazy and said "OWW MOMMA!" and rubbed his back. Much to my surprise he still had the candy in his hand. I guess he was just coughing. What Lane learned from this, don't cough around momma or she will beat you up!

You've sure got your hands full!

2009-04-15T12:25:00.001-07:00

You've sure got your hands full! I hear this everywhere I go with the kids. Yes I do but seriously 3 kids is not that much! People today are so set on a 2 kid limit, it is annoying! I understand people saying that to me bc I do have 3 under 3 but it still does get annoying! We started trying for #2 when Lane was 11 months old so they could have been even closer. God definitely knew what he was doing spacing them out at least this far though. I actually found out I was pregnant again on Lane's 2nd bday! How great is that? His 3rd bday is next week, I can't believe that it has already been a year.

I have a friend that has 4 kids and one on the way and she really gets the you sure have your hands full. She says some people can be down right rude, what's up with that? You are not the one taking care of her kids or mine. She does an awesome job btw and I think I am doing pretty good myself!

People once had dozens of kids so why is it so taboo now? I don't understand. Children are gifts from God. I do think we are done having kids but nothing is permanent. Donny would like more but I'd like to be done with the baby stages in a few years and move on the the other stuff, we'll see.

So next time you see me in Walmart just know that yes my hands are full but my heart is also full, full of LOVE!!! :)

Love

2009-04-15T12:16:00.001-07:00

Love

Last but certainly not least is Love- Lucas. He is my love baby. When Lexi was in the hospital and I couldn't be with her I was so thankful to have this little guy with me, loving me. He is very loving. He is a bit of a mommy's boy I believe but that is okay. He loves everyone though. You can just see how much he loves his brother and sister. If his sister starts crying he will stop crying and watch her, if they are close he will hold her hand, it really melts your heart. He loves kisses and to cuddle. He is known as baby brother or brother bear. He is Lexi's protector already. He thinks Lane hung the moon. He loves to watch him and laughs all the time at him. Lane really enjoys that. This one has enough love to share with everyone.

Hope

2009-04-15T12:07:00.001-07:00

HOPE

This is my middle child, Lexi. She is also my only girl. She has given me so much hope. The twins were born 4 weeks early and this one was a 5.5 pounder. When she was born I heard her cry so loud and thought wow she has healthy lungs, but I was wrong. When she took her first breath it punctured a hole in her lung. I did not find this out until the next day. They weren't telling me what was wrong with my baby girl until then. I prayed so hard for this one. I had hope though. I knew God would take care of her and he did.

She had to be airlifted to Children's Hospital and stay there for 8 days. She was on all types of machines, it was so sad. I didn't get to hold her until she was 4 days old. She was on feeding tubes, breathing machines, all types of stuff I didn't even understand what they were for. I had a c-section and didn't get to stay with her or anything, plus I had her twin brother at home to care for. My husband stayed with her though, he was so amazing. This girl has him wrapped around her little finger! I stayed prayed and hoped she would be okay. Everyday the dr.'s were amazed at how wonderful she was doing. Everyday something else got to come off of my angel. Finally after a long 8 days she was home!!! I am so thankful for this girl. I call her my angel baby. She also goes by Sister Sue, lol.

Faith

2009-04-15T11:57:00.001-07:00

FAITH

This is my oldest, Lane. He has made me have more faith day by day. Before becoming pregnant with him I found out I had endometriosis and would have problems getting pregnant. We did get pregnant once on our own, that baby didn't make it. I took medication and we prayed for another little blessing and then we were blessed with this little guy.

The beginning of my pregnancy was scary. I had a huge cyst bc of the meds I had to take to get pregnant. I was so worried I'd lose this baby too. I had a wonderful friend that really helped me through it. She came over and we would hold my belly and pray. I was about to have to have surgery to remove this cyst while pregnant and the dr. did an ultrasound and the cyst was almost completely gone! God did it! He saved my little guy. The dr. couldn't believe his eyes! I could though bc all that praying had given me peace and I knew God was going to take care of it all. I gained so much faith while pregnant with this one.

He is also my little monster. He is as stubborn as the day is long! I think God gave him to me before giving me the twins bc he knew I'd have faith that I could handle 2 at a time if I handled Lane! I love this boy to death but he tests me everyday. He is so strong-willed and wants to do what he wants. My husband reassures me that this is a good thing and he will not be pressured into things as a teen. I have to have faith that this is true. I have to have faith that this one won't make me lose my mind! He is not that bad but he can be a stinker. I love him to pieces though and wouldn't have him any other way, well maybe I would have him pottytrained!

Faith

2009-04-15T11:53:00.000-07:00

FAITH, HOPE, AND LOVE

These are 3 important things to me. I think my children symbolize each of them. These are my precious angels.