Things I have learned along the way

Yes this is a picture of my babies fighting over who gets to Momma first. No Lexi didn't get hit in the head with the bat. Why did I use this picture you ask? Because it happens. Fighting happens with siblings. These two play wonderful together, they share most of the time, they take turns with the help of Momma making them, they give each other sweet kisses and hugs but the truth is they still fight over who Momma picks up first. Most of the time if I am holding one of them then I have to hold the other. They are jealous of each other, especially Lucas. If Lucas sees Lexi coming to be then he runs past her ( he has the speed), pushes her back and jumps on me. What do I do, nothing. I let them solve the little things themselves. If one of them is getting hurt, or I think they will be hurt them I step in. I
I want to raise them to take up for themselves and work out their own problems when possible. When one falls and I KNOW they aren't hurt, what do I do? I turn my head and act like I didn't see it. Some people may think I am a mean or uncaring Mom, I am not. What do they do when they fall and aren't hurt? Instantly look to see if Momma saw them fall, if she did they cry and act as if their world is ending, if she didn't they get up and start playing again. I am a boo-boo kisser but for these things there are no boo-boos to kiss.

THE BOTTLE
I am not a pro at this parenting thing, believe me! I am just sharing what worked for me with my 3 kiddos. If you are a breastfeeding Mom (YAY for you!) ignore this bc I was not successful at breastfeeding Lane so I didn't try with the twins. I want to say that I DO believe the breast is the best! If you can and want to do it, go for it. If you are a bottle feeder I will share my experiences with you.
I hate the bottle. It always made my life harder while going places. I had to pack a diaper bag with so much junk already and hated having to drag around a container of formula and however many bottles you thought your child may need. I am a planner and always think ahead and always prepare for worst case scenario so I always carried way more than needed. Lane was off of the bottle at 11 months and Lucas and Lexi were off at 10 months. It made my life SO much easier. No more washing bottles! With the twins that was a BIG plus! Let me say it is recommended up keep your child on formula for at least 12 months. I did with Lane in the sippy cups, I didn't with the twins. They are healthy and weren't drinking many bottles anyway. (they like FOOD) I do use whole milk bc I think the small ones need the vitamins and fat in it.
TIPS
1.Do not get your baby hooked to taking a bottle to go to sleep, BIG mistake! I know that when they are itty bitty newborn they do this, at this time they don't do much more but eat and sleep. Once they are bigger and eating food then you can slack off on that. I would even feed my kids a bottle and then play with them a little bit to keep them up just so they didn't think they HAD to have that bottle just to go to sleep. When kids think they need that bottle to fall asleep it makes it harder on Mom in the middle of the night. If they want to have something give them a paci, my kids all have loved their paci's.
2. Do not prop the bottle up in the bed or wherever he/she may be. I know many people do this, I do not like it one bit. I believe it leads to ear infections and is not good for baby. When a baby is laying down drinking then the fluid can go right down to their ear, no I am not a Dr. but my pediatrician told me this all the time when my kids were small and I sure yours tells you this too. I also believe that baby needs that bonding time with Mommy. It is special, enjoy it, it doesn't last long. If I can have 2 at a time and hold them for almost every single feeding you can do your one, I promise. Sometimes I have to put them in their bouncy seats and feed them bottles at the same time if they were both really hungry and going nuts.
3. I would never give my baby a bottle to have on their own in the bed with them, not my style. Same goes with Lane, no cups in his room at bedtime, that is not a good thing to start and horrible for potty training. This goes back to the no feeding while laying down. I feel strongly about these things, maybe because all of my kids suffered from reflux and HAD to be fed in an upright position. I have a fear of babies choking on their bottles at an early age too. Lane choked on everything as a small baby. I think this increases ear infections, Lane did not have an ear infection until he was over 2 yrs old, and I believe this is the reason. I am not saying that if your child has a lot of ear infections it is your fault, Lucas has already had 2 and I have done the same with him, he just has lots of drainage and it builds up there.
4. Once you take the bottle away DON'T GO BACK!!!! Lane wanted a bottle a few times after he was off of it, but I didn't give in. That is the biggest mistake you can make. Consistency is definitely the key to parenting. ( I am not always great at this but I was with the bottles) So many parents say well they were off of the bottle for a while and then they got sick so I gave it back. That bottle does not make your child better people! It was probably the fact that you held them more to give them the bottle or something like that. Just don't do it, never look back. Once you take it away for good, throw them out and never look back! I did make sure mine were weaned down to 2 bottles a day before taking it away. I did this gradually. With Lucas and Lexi they were extremely easy to break. Lucas basically refused to drink out of them anymore and so I put them away. Lexi just followed along and didn't care at all. Never any tears or anything for them.
5. Introduce sippy cups early. My children started getting a sippy of water with meals around 5 months. I would feed them their food and give them drinks out the cups, just to get them used to it. They didn't drink much of the water then but got used to the cup.
6. Don't give your baby juice. Why do parents do this? What is the point? Give your baby water. It is good for them. It is wonderful to give your children water when they are small so they will be used to it and like it. They won't think they have to have that extra flavor. I did not do this with Lane and he is a juice head, lol. He thinks he needs juice all the time. He does drink water but only after telling me that is not what he wants. Lucas and Lexi only drink milk and water. Unless one is constipated. Juice cleans them out really good. Or if one of them gets a hold of Lane's cup, that is never pretty. They have milk with meals and water with snacks. Sometimes I give them more milk if I don't think they are eating enough food. Milk is good for kids and so is water. I never gave my kids juice in a bottle either, not a good idea in my book. Juice is like crack to babies. They LOVE it. It is sweet and yummy, why make them associate it with a bottle when you are going to try to break them from a bottle soon?
Sleeping
I am not a co-sleeper, nothing wrong with it, it just wasn't for us. Donny is a WILD sleeper. He kicks, hits, yells and acts crazy. I was always afraid my baby would be hurt. I turn in my sleep a lot and always worried about smothering a baby. Plus my husband and I very much like our private time! We like to have our own space that is baby free (once we move them out of our room that is) Many moms do it and say that it makes them sleep better and feel more secure, I do not think they are wrong, I am just saying it wouldn't work for US. I did have all of our kids in our bedroom in the beginning though just not in our bed. Lane stayed in our room longer because of his severe reflux, he would get choked all through the night and have to be picked up to catch his breath and clear his throat. After him doing that I was a worry wart and kept him in our room until he was 6 months old. At 6 months he had stopped getting choked in the night for a while and he was not sleeping good. Daddy was ready for more privacy again too and I was happy to get the baby bed out of our room. We moved him into his own room and the 2nd night he slept all night and slept so much better than he had in our room. I didn't get any sleep at first because I was so worried. I had a baby monitor though and soon started sleeping good too. With Lucas and Lexi we had them in our room in pack-n-plays for about 2 months, then moved them to their rooms into their cribs. They didn't choke in the night like Lane had and they were getting to cramped in the pack-n-play bassinet thing. They still woke up for feeding of course but slept better still. I didn't worry as much and slept good, mostly because I was so tired I think, lol.
Tips
1. Always put your baby to bed AWAKE! This is so very important. We did not do this with Lane and had a problem with him for a while, when we finally had to start it , it was hard and a whole process of crying it out and such but once we did it, it worked out so much better for us all. With Lucas and Lexi I had to start doing this a lot earlier because I had 3 kids to tend to. I couldn't rock both of them until they fell asleep and then do the other. I did at first, it didn't work. I was rocking a baby all day, add trying to potty train a 2 yr old to that, it just doesn't work. So I started laying them down awake. Yes they screamed at first. I have NEVER heard a baby scream louder than Miss Lexi, she is LOUD, believe me but it had to be done. Before long they went to sleep on their own and did great. Now I lay them down and they may whine a second every once in a while but they always go to sleep on their own. They actually won't go to sleep while I am holding them so this works out good. I have found that they sleep so much better at night if they go to sleep on their own too, I don't know why but it's true. Obviously this doesn't apply for a newborn baby or an infant bc they fall asleep while you are feeding them and such.
2. Paci's are my friends when they are little. I don't want mine stuck on the bottle in the middle of the night, I would much rather give them their paci's. I broke Lane of his paci except for sleeping at around 13 months, I haven't done that for the twins. They love them and it just makes my life a lot easier right now, lol. They are teething and it helps them. Lane had more teeth by this age and once I had taken it away I wasn't giving it back during the day. Like I said Consistency is the key. So for now Lucas and Lexi still suck paci's when they want. I will break it down to less soon, when I am up for the challenge. So once they are older and eating baby food and you know they don't NEED that bottle in the middle of the night ( my dr. actually told me when it was with all of them, I am thinking around 6 months?) try giving them the paci in the night instead of a bottle. Don't pick them up, just give it to them and lay them back down. I pat their back and tell them it is night night time and I love them. If you pick them up they will keep doing it, they are smart little stinkers!
Taking them out in public
I know people that didn't take their kids out to eat until they were 2! Just bc they were afraid of a scene. I like to go out. I sit at home all day, every day and enjoying getting out into the real world. My husband would stay at home and not take them out anywhere if it was possible. Yes it can be embarrassing. They will scream sometimes. They will poop, they will spit up, they will act like they have no sense but how do you expect them to learn? I am sure many of you have seen me out with mine. Yes I do claim that red headed one that is usually screaming for candy, he is mine, I admit it. He stays in the house way to much and doesn't know how to act sometimes. He is loud and stubborn and loves candy. Should I stay home 24/7 because my child is loud and cries for candy, I don't think so. There is a local restaurant that we love that has a huge gumball machine right at the door. So every time we went there Lane would cry for candy. We have gotten many dirty looks and stares for him but hey what are you going to do? Certainly not reward him for acting that way and he IS our kid so we kinda have to bring him along. I am very happy to report that he has not thrown a fit for that candy in a while. (after a year of going nuts for it) Consistency! We won, even though it took forever, pick your battles and some are worth fighting. This one was to us because I didn't want him to think he could have whatever he wanted by acting like a crazy person!
Lucas and Lexi are not as strong willed as Lane and we haven't had as much of a problem with them, maybe we can just handle it better now? I don't know. I do remember when they were probably 2 months old, us going out to eat for a pizza buffet after church. We had nobody to go with us but we really wanted to go. I don't think people without multiples think about how hard simple things can be for the parents. So we go, Lane is still 2 yrs old and wild btw. We have both babies in their carriers, Donny fixes our plates and we start to eat, both babies start to cry, Lane starts to whine, we are trying to get some food in us so we can tend to the babies, then Lane has to potty, great. So I am sitting here holding one baby while the other is sitting in the carrier screaming. I am rocking the carrier trying to comfort him but he just wants held. I got so many dirty looks, to you people I say POO on YOU! LOL Finally another mother came over and asked if she could help. She was very sweet and saw that I was overwhelmed. At that time Donny and Lane came back and she didn't have to do anything but it was nice of her to offer. Another point of mine is us moms need to stick together, offer a helping hand, don't judge someone because their child is acting like a lunatic. It could just as easy be your child. I promise Lane doesn't act crazy at home like he sometimes does out in public. Kids have their bad days and bad moments. Never say your child won't be like that because I promise you will eat those words!!!
They are all different
I will not sugar coat it, Lane can be a difficult child. He can also be the most loving and sweetest thing ever. He does not listen well and you have to tell him things over and over. He doesn't want to play with his brother and sister a lot but is VERY protective of them. He wants to go with anybody that will let him. He is very outgoing and always wants to talk to everyone he meets.
Lexi is sassy but she is kinda a push over. She lets Lucas have the toys she is playing with a lot of the time to avoid a fight but if she has something she really wants she will fight for it, and boy can she fight if she wants to. She is a momma's girl but wants her daddy to watch everything she does. She likes to point at you and shake her little finger in your face if she is mad. She loves to meet new people and always has a smile for them.
Lucas is never still. He goes non stop. He does not walk, he runs. He is very jealous of me. He is very loving and loves giving kisses. He thinks Lane is the greatest thing ever even though Lane is mean to him most of the time. He does not like strangers at all, he will hide his face or give them a mean look.
My point is that I have 3 kids that came from the same 2 parents and they are all so completely different. I remember when I was pregnant with the twins and Donny was going on and on about how baby boys and baby girls really act the same, it is just that people treat them different, boy was he wrong. It has really been amazing and fun to have one of each at the same time going through the same stages. Boys and girls are very different let me tell you. Both of my boys have been more hyper and want to go go go, Lexi is calm and will sit and play with a toy and be content. Lucas will run all over the house and run from me (lane was the same) and Lexi will stay with me and walk with me when I tell her to come on. Lexi pouts, the boys hit.
It is not just their sex though, it is just them. They have their own little personalities from the beginning. Some kids will repeat after you and do as you ask to show your friends their cute little tricks, some kids will look at you like you are stupid for asking to show your friends what they can do, and some kids will hide their face in your shirt if you ask them to talk to anybody else. They will also all hit milestones at different time. Try hard not to compare. Lane didn't crawl until he was 9 months old and walk at 14-15 months, Lucas crawled at 6 months, walked at 9 months, Lexi crawled at 7 months, walked at 11 months.No child is the same as another. So if you are having your 2nd child, don't expect them to be a little replica of your first. Don't see a child in the grocery store throwing a fit and think to yourself "That Mom is not doing something right, if that were MY child they wouldn't be acting like that." YOU WILL EAT YOUR WORDS, believe me, I HAVE!!!
Potty training
I HATE Potty training! HATE IT!!! At around 15 months old I could tell anytime Lane had to poop, time for potty training, I thought! WRONG!!! BIGGEST MISTAKE EVER! I watched him all day to see the "right face" he would make to see if he had to go. I would rush him to the potty and he'd go, did great too. But I wasn't training HIM, I was training ME! It was so not worth it either. He couldn't care less. He had no interest in the potty. He started crying when I would mention it, it was horrible for us both. He was going when I would take him but he hated it and I hated doing it. Remember my law though consistency is the key, well with this one I had to break it. It was my fault, I started to early for him. Some children do train that early, not him, he was no way ready. I think I have learned from that though. Donny is already talking potty training the twins, I am saying NO way! I am not ready for it and I don't think they are anywhere close to being ready for it. I don't know what I have in store for training 2 either. I may have to do them separately because they may not be ready at the same time, who knows. So I started with Lane at 15 months, and he was trained right after his 3rd birthday, good job for me right? haha Wait until you think they are ready, he obviously wasn't. Don't jump the gun, it is a pain in the butt once you start it anyways!
SIBLINGS
I dreamed of Lane helping me care for the twins, bringing me diapers, holding their bottles, wanting to kiss them. What did he do? Well at first he was excited. He does love them but he gets sick of them. He got tired of hearing about the babies. He got tired of Mommy and Daddy having to take care of them all the time. (probably a lot easier when you have 1 more, I don't know) He got tired of hearing don't touch that, it's the baby's. Now he gets tired of them getting his toys, he gets tired of them crying, he gets tired of hearing, wait a minute Mommy has to do this for the baby. He does love them but he needs his breaks. When he gets really frustrated I will let him go in the other room and play without them around. He has just started wanting to go to his bedroom and play alone which I think is great for him. He gets jealous of how much time I spend tending to them and then he acts out. I realized that was why he was acting out and read in a book to talk to him about it and tell him he doesn't have to act like that if he wants attention, just ask for a hug, I thought yea right! But it does help. He still needs and deserves way more alone time with Mommy than he gets but I am doing the best I can for now. He is starting to play with them more but is usually way to rough. My point in this is that it may not be the way you thought it would be but just make the best of it. Let them know that you still love them and they are still important too. I would love to have one day a week where Lane and I go and hang out together alone, but I don't have a babysitter so that is not possible right now. He does go and hang out with his grandparents on his own a lot and he really enjoys that.
Your spouse
The dumbest thing I have ever heard of is when people have kids to try to make their marriage or relationship work. That is soooo stupid. Sure you love your kids, you want them to be happy, you do everything you can for them but they are WORK! They are stressful, they are demanding, they are expensive and they just plain wear you out! They put a strain on the relationship, they don't magically cure it. Please only plan a baby if you are in a good spot with your spouse, don't have a baby to try to save the relationship it will not work. It is so easy after you have a child to think about all of the things you do. Especially a worn out mom that sits at home all day and cares for all of the kids, like me. You start making lists in your head thinking, well I did this and this and this, he didn't do anything around here all day and I am tired of doing it all. You start to compare what you do to what they do, bad idea. A better way to go about this is to talk to your loved one and say look I need your help. Lets work together. You do this and I will do that. Women most of the time your man won't mind, they honestly just don't think like we do. They don't think of all the things that have to be done before you go to bed, all the bottles, washed, all the toys picked up. Ask for help, in a nice way, usually that is all it takes. You will be so much happier and in return be nicer, and they will be happier!
God
This is important to me.
1. Be thankful to God for these precious little gifts. He thinks a lot of you to trust you with them.
2. You are responsible for what this child is exposed to.
3. Pray for your kids. I pray for mine, ALL the time. To me God is like my best friend that I talk to all the time. I don't have to start a prayer, with Dear Heavenly Father or whatever. I just talk. He hears me, he knows what's up. You wouldn't believe how much it helps when you are having a bad day to just talk to God. Pray for your kids, pray for yourself. He is always there listening, he loves you and wants to help when needed.
4. Salvation. Teach your kids about it. We talk to Lane about Jesus know, he doesn't understand that good but we try. Again pray for your children's salvation, I do even though mine are little and don't understand. I pray that one day they come to know the Lord and ask him into their heart, I mean isn't that the most important thing EVER?
Little tips
1. Don't yell. A mistake I have learned from and have a 3 yr older yeller because of. It is my fault, I know it. I still do it but try VERY hard not to.
2. Try to find another non-judging mom to talk to, it helps.
3. Trust in your husband, he is there to help you. He is not helpless.
4. Don't rush your kids to do everything, they will do it in their own time, just enjoy them. Each stage goes by so fast.
5. Used things are ok. Don't think you are to good! You aren't!
Ok I am done for now. I am no pro my any means but this is just how things have worked out for us.