Treasuring the little moments

The other day I was rushing to get ready. I don't remember where we were going but I was in a hurry, as always. The kids were running wild, Donny was at work. I gave the kids a snack, turned on Wild Krafts (Lane's favorite show right now) and got busy. As I begin to put my make up on my sweet 2 year old daughter walks into the bathroom with a big smile on her face. "What choo doooin' Momma?" Her favorite question. I huff out a, "Momma's trying to get ready." "I get ready with choo Momma," she says in the cute way she always over animates things. As I am about to say, Why don' t you go play with the boys? I look down and see that sweet smile. That smile that she gives to me so freely. The one that shows how much love she has in her heart. I can see it in that smile. So instead I say, "Yes we can get get ready together." I get a little jump and clap out of her, it is so easy to make her happy.
As I put on my make-up and brush the powder brush over her face, all the while telling her that she is beautiful and doesn't need make-up (like she is listening to that), I think to myself about how I almost missed spending this precious moment with my precious daughter. I think about how before long she will have her own routine to get ready and not want to be bothered by me, the mother that she is staring at so adoringly now. Not to long ago she was a 5 lb 5 oz baby that couldn't breathe on her own, couldn't eat on her own and had all types of tubes and wires hooked up to her and look at her now. She's a beautiful, spunky 2 1/2 year old that wants to take care of her Baby (her twin brother Lucas). She wants to make sure he eats and his nose is wiped and his needs are taken care of always. She is growing up to fast. She can carry on a conversation with me and I understand about 95% of it, most of the time. She is our girl, the only one we will probably ever have. She is the sugar and spice mixed in with our snips and snails. She wants to kiss the boy's boo-boos just like Momma and Momma's kisses still heal all of her boo-boos. As I see my children growing up so fast I am trying to watch them more closely because I want to remember the sweet little things they do. I want to remember the looks of awe on their faces over the small things their dad or I do. I want to remember them loving each other, fighting with each other and just being kids. I want to embrace these little moments like I had the other day with my sweet girl because they are precious. I am so thankful to be a Mom and I need to make sure my children know that.

I HATE DIETING!!!

Here I am in all of my fat glory. UGH! I am trying to lose this weight. I want to look like I did when Donny and I got married, that's my dream. We shall see....... I am doing Weight Watchers. I can't go to the meetings or anything, don't have the time but I have the books and am trying to do on my own. I did it once before in between my first pregnancy, that I lost and my pregnancy with Lane and the weight just fell off. I lost 5 lbs a week for the first 25 lbs and soon after that I was pregnant again so I had to stop. I am not losing that fast this time around. I do have a thyroid problem and am on medication for it. I have heard that makes it harder but I don't know.
I hate my weight. It is a constant thing on my mind. I worry about it all the time. I barely have any clothes because who wants to shop for clothes when you think everything looks horrible? Not me! I wish I could blame my pregnancy with the twins, even though it's been over 2 years now but I can't. I lost all of the weight I had gained with them, fast after having them. I only have myself to blame and that is depressing.
Don't worry I don't say negative things about myself in front of the kids, EVER. They don't even know what the word fat means. I don't want to get those thoughts in their little heads yet. I don't want them to know how badly their mom's self image of herself is at this point. They think I'm beautiful, and tell me :) No pressure from Donny either, he tells me I'm beautiful. I just hate the way I look. I hate looking in a mirror. I have even stopped smiling in pictures because I hate how fat my face looks when I smile, see above pic. So I am on this weight loss journey once again.
I want to be healthier for myself and my family. I have 3 little people that depend on me and need me around for a long time. I owe it to them to try to get myself healthy. I am trying. It is so easy to eat all through out the day while I am at home. I LOVE food. LOVE IT!! I am trying not to. I just want to think of food as something my body has to have to live, not something I absolutely LOVE. It's hard for me but I am trying.

Doing what's best for us

We have decided to home school. You are not talking me out of it, so no reason to try. We have had mixed reactions when we tell people. A lot of people think it's stupid and we are nuts, that's ok it's not you or your children. I have always thought homeschooling was a great thing so I never understood why parents of homeschoolers could be so defensive. Now I do......... Some people are just plain rude and think your nuts and want you to know it. I have already encountered this and I just started! I have also encountered positive things. Like my mother in law speaking up when someone asked about Lane starting school this year. Lane turned 5 in April so it's still new to him and he is proud to finally be 5, so he tells everyone he meets. He is my child that meets no stranger. So naturally people's reply is usually, "You will get to go to school this year. Are you excited?" "My Momma does my school at home," is always his reply, and I never know what to say. I know it should be easy but I'd just rather avoid it sometimes because I am new to it and don't want to hear the criticism I may hear. Although when I hear that negativity I wish I could just say,"Your not going to change my mind so just hush!" This time I didn't have to say a thing. My mother in law jumped in, "Yes he is already in school and he is doing a great job. His mom is homeschooling him and it's going great." I could have cried and then kissed her. It felt good, really good for someone else to say that and make me feel like we are doing the right thing, even though Donny and I truly believe we are and aren't changing it. I have prayed about this a lot, Donny and I have talked about it and we believe this is the best thing for our family. It is so rewarding teaching them and seeing them learn new things. I love having all of my children here with me all of the time, even if sometimes they drive me nuts, ok a lot of times. I love the relationships they are forming with each other, it is truly a beautiful thing. I love that my 5 year old is so sweet and innocent, I know it won't stay like this forever but it will for a while longer. I love that he didn't even know what the word FAT meant while learning it with Hooked On Phonics. Yep my children are sheltered, but we want to raise them a certain way and it's not the way of the world. My children are far from perfect but I love them and want what is best for THEM. We are doing what we believe is the right thing for our family and we are happy to do it. God has lent us these precious gifts and we are going to cherish them.

Snips, snails and PUPPY DOG tails

Yep we got a dog, again. We got a dog almost a year ago, I think and it just didn't work out. He was not house trained at all. I tried, I really did but I didn't succeed. He always bit a lot and the kids were still so little that they were becoming afraid of him. I know puppies bite so obviously I hadn't thought it through, it was a spur of the moment type thing. That dog now lives with my parents out in the country and is very spoiled and happy! I am glad we didn't keep him because he turned out to be a HUGE dog and he wouldn't have enough room in our back yard to play.
Well since then my mother in law has become involved with fostering dogs and finding them homes. My kids love dogs, Lucas especially. So I decided we were finally ready for a dog now. I wanted a small dog that didn't shed but Donny didn't want a "girlie" dog and I didn't want him hating the dog. We talked about it and I asked him what type of dog HE would like. "I think I'd like a basset hound. They don't get to huge and they are manly dogs." Ok so a basset hound, I thought, where on Earth will I find one of those? I don't think I had ever even seen one in person. My mother in law comes to visit the next day and I tell her what Donny said, she smiles and says, "You've seen my new dog right?" Then shows me a picture on her cell of an adorable basset hound puppy. FATE? I don't know but it is funny to me. We went to visit the next week and saw this adorable little guy. Donny fell in love, the kids fell in love, I fell in love but wanted him to stay a little longer with Nana to be house trained a little better but Donny was so happy with him I agreed to bring him home with us that day. He has had a few accidents, one being last night, getting the end of OUR sheets on the floor and peeing on them, yep that didn't make me to happy but overall he's doing ok. The kids are in love. Lucas won't stay off of the poor thing. The puppy does do the little puppy biting but we are working on that and it doesn't make the kids terrified of him like it did the other dog, since they are older now. So meet our new family member BUSTER. I call him Buster Brown, Donny calls him Busta Rhymes. Yea we are goofy like that. I will admit that sometimes I regret getting him, just because of the extra responsibility but it is worth it because he makes the kids so happy. If you are looking for a dog adopt! We have got our best dogs that way and those dogs need homes the most.