I HATE DIETING!!!

Here I am in all of my fat glory. UGH! I am trying to lose this weight. I want to look like I did when Donny and I got married, that's my dream. We shall see....... I am doing Weight Watchers. I can't go to the meetings or anything, don't have the time but I have the books and am trying to do on my own. I did it once before in between my first pregnancy, that I lost and my pregnancy with Lane and the weight just fell off. I lost 5 lbs a week for the first 25 lbs and soon after that I was pregnant again so I had to stop. I am not losing that fast this time around. I do have a thyroid problem and am on medication for it. I have heard that makes it harder but I don't know.
I hate my weight. It is a constant thing on my mind. I worry about it all the time. I barely have any clothes because who wants to shop for clothes when you think everything looks horrible? Not me! I wish I could blame my pregnancy with the twins, even though it's been over 2 years now but I can't. I lost all of the weight I had gained with them, fast after having them. I only have myself to blame and that is depressing.
Don't worry I don't say negative things about myself in front of the kids, EVER. They don't even know what the word fat means. I don't want to get those thoughts in their little heads yet. I don't want them to know how badly their mom's self image of herself is at this point. They think I'm beautiful, and tell me :) No pressure from Donny either, he tells me I'm beautiful. I just hate the way I look. I hate looking in a mirror. I have even stopped smiling in pictures because I hate how fat my face looks when I smile, see above pic. So I am on this weight loss journey once again.
I want to be healthier for myself and my family. I have 3 little people that depend on me and need me around for a long time. I owe it to them to try to get myself healthy. I am trying. It is so easy to eat all through out the day while I am at home. I LOVE food. LOVE IT!! I am trying not to. I just want to think of food as something my body has to have to live, not something I absolutely LOVE. It's hard for me but I am trying.